FALL TV PREVIEW REVIEWS
I watch them so you don't have to
HE 2019 FALL PREVIEW REVIEW
Okay here we go again. As you may or may not know, every August for the past way too many years I sit through all the previews of new scripted-shows on the free broadcast networks to decide what to watch and/or record. This is getting harder to do because nowadays no one watches broadcast TV live and everything is streamed and/or binged, so the networks don’t make a big deal about the fall season like they used to. But I persevered and searched extensively for about 5 minutes and watched every preview I could find and took notes so you don’t have to. So read on and let’s find out if there are any hidden gems hiding in the trash.
ABC
ABC only has 3 previews up, unlike last year’s 10 which were all turds and got cancelled (although I liked Whisky Cavalier because it was stupid fun with lots of explosions). So maybe they learned and are going with quality over quantity this time. Or maybe the Bachelor is so popular they don’t really give a shit anymore.
Stumptown
Agent Hill from the Avengers movies is a shady army vet turned tough private eye who fights crime and beats the shit out of everyone. The preview is really fun and the action scenes look promising and Cobie Smulders is a badass. This is the perfect replacement for Whisky Cavalier which also had great action scenes so I am def in.
Emergence
The girl cop from Fargo is a cop (what a shocker) who finds a little girl with amnesia and weird shit starts to happen all over the place revealing a larger and possibly otherworldly conspiracy. ABC has done this same plot like 14000 times, but the trailer was cool and the actors are good and I’m a sucker for a good mystery so I’m gonna give it a try. Most of these shows usually start out really well but it always feels like they have 2 endings planned, one that wraps shit up fast if it doesn’t get ratings, and another that stretches it out and waters things down if it gets renewed. Maybe this one will actually have a beginning middle and end but probably not. Anyway Ima watch it.
Wow two good ones in a row, that’s a new record! Let’s see what else they got.
Mixed-ish
Well there goes the streak. Apparently ABC has run out of races to exploit so they are going with the trials and tribulations of mixed-race kids. Also apparently it’s based on the mom from Black-ish as a teen but I couldn’t tell if it’s based on the character or the actor. But also apparently I don’t care because it looks lame as fuck. But, I must say that the Black-ish-mom-as-a-teen’s little sister was really cute and sassy in the preview. I bet she gets her own show on the Disney Channel when this tanks.
ABC Shows that Don’t Have Previews Probably For a Reason:
The Baker & The Beauty – a Cuban baker dates a super model and hilarity ensues no wait this is a drama?? wtf
For Life – A prisoner becomes a lawyer and represents other inmates as he builds a case to prove his innocence while butting heads with the tough female warden. This sounds like a CBS reject.
United We Fall – A husband and wife with 2 kids try to get by while shitty super-opinionated in-laws, neighbors, teachers, doctors, co-workers and even their kids tell them they suck. Hilarious!
NBC
I used to love NBC but these days it’s like 99% Dick (Wolf shows). And they totally phoned in the previews, which did nothing to hook the viewer. Just be sure to watch the final season of The Good Place, it is amazeballs.
Perfect Harmony
A crotchety music professor somehow ends up leading a shitty church choir to sing better I guess? I don’t know this one made absolutely no sense to me. I kept expecting to see Whoopie Goldberg in a nun suit or something. Hard pass
Sunnyside
Kumar from Harold & Kumar helps a bunch of super-insanely stereotyped immigrants study to become US citizens I guess? I don’t know this one probably means well but it seems awfully heavy-handed.
Bluff City Law
Jimmy Smits mentors a feisty and passionate female lawyer to take on “David vs Goliath” cases and change the world I guess? So it’s a feel-good kind of legal drama? Law with a heart? The preview was really not interesting so I didn’t pay that much attention but I’m not watching any law shows these days so I might watch it anyway and see if it goes anywhere.
CBS
For what it’s worth, these previews were produced the best of all the networks. I normally despise CBS because it panders to old people but I am apparently old now so maybe things are resonating more than they used to. Shit.
Bob Hearts Abishola
A fat white guy has a heart attack and falls in like with his Nigerian nurse. I really wanted to hate this but the preview was sweet and honest and had a charming purity that is a welcome counterpoint to all the racist rhetoric going on in the country today, and it didn’t feel like it was trying to teach me a lesson like the ABC shows do. I really hope I don’t watch it though because I want to cling to my youth a while longer.
All Rise
Misty Night from Luke Cage is a feisty and passionate district attorney turned feisty and passionate judge who does feisty and passionate things in her courtroom to just get to the truth dammit. So basically anyone who looks guilty is probably innocent and anyone who looks innocent is probably guilty. Case closed *gavel bang* next.
Carol’s Second Act
Patricia Heaton is a middle-aged divorced mom who becomes an intern at a hospital and is old. I counted like 47 age-related jokes in the preview so if you’re into hilarious light-hearted ageist humor that pokes fun but still retains a thread of wisdom and dignity, then you are definitely ready for CBS. Also Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks is a doctor that apparently has the hots for her so the ol’ plumbing is still working just fine there buddy.
Evil
A female psychiatrist joins forces with priest-in-training Luke Cage from Luke Cage to figure out if psycho serial killers are actually insane or possessed by demons. Who the fuck cares they are fucking psycho serial killers either way what difference does it make. But the trailer was kind of spooky so if the old ticker can still handle a jump or two then maybe check it out.
The Unicorn
Boyd Crowder from Justified is a widowed dad with 2 girls who hasn’t dated in over a year and all his friends try to get him to get over it and start dating and have sex I guess. That’s right, you heard me: Boyd fucking Crowder, the absolute baddest of badasses, is now a pussified suburban soccer dad whose peepee doesn’t work because he’s sad. Way to shatter the fantasy CBS. Jesus fucking christ
FOX
Last year Fox had 2 new shows, this year they have way too many and I got bored so these are short.
Bless the Harts
A new animated show about a poor southern white trash family doing poor southern white trash stuff. Wow this hasn’t been done before
Outmatched
Parents of 3 genius kids and one dumb kid have trouble raising them because they are super smart and/or super dumb. The only good thing in the preview was the dumb kid says “noses are just mouths that eat smells” which would be a great tweet. The dude who fucked the pie in American Pie stars.
Prodigal Son
The son of a horrific serial killer becomes a serial killer profiler and helps the cops catch horrific serial killers while fighting inner urges to serial kill. Fun for the whole family!
Not Just Me
A famous fertility doctor used his own sperm to help women get pregnant and his only legit daughter tracks down all her “sisters” or something. I don’t know man I think it’s supposed to be some kind of life-affirming identity crises feel-good show but the whole thing made me uncomfortable. I’m out
Deputy
The white detective from True Detective Season 3 is a tough as nails Justified-style lawman who becomes sheriff of LA County when the current sheriff drops dead, and of course butts heads with the brass as he treats the city like the Wild West. This is probably the closest we will come to another Justified and the actor dude is good so I am super hopeful. Fuck you Boyd Crowder you pussy we got True Detective 3 Guy now
neXT
Basically Alexa becomes Skynet and takes over everything while people trying to stop it continue to use technology and act like human idiots. This could be good but its been done a million times now and the preview was dull af because there are no robots from the future or anything actually cool.
Filthy Rich
The head of a $2 billion Christian TV network dies and names a bunch of bastard kids in his will as his heirs, making his wife and other kids super pissed as they all deal with how to deal with the whole deal. From what I could tell from the terribly done preview every single character is an unlikeable shithead, but if you want to see fake bullshit evangelists get called out for and/or get away with lots of their bullshit then check it out.
CW
This network is like the opposite of CBS. All the stars look like children and you need to be like 18 or younger to watch or you’re probably a pervert. But it’s kind of the superhero channel now too so maybe that’s cool? Idk I’m old now.
Batwoman
Batman is gone apparently, and a lot of young and cute weirdos are running roughshod over Gotham. So when the young and cute girlfriend of Bruce Wayne’s young and cute (and sexily butch) cousin is kidnapped by weirdos, she becomes Batwoman and beats up like a million weirdos. I probably won’t watch it because I’m not a perv but the fight scenes looked really cool and reminded me of season 1 Netfilx Daredevil.
Nancy Drew
A young and cute teen solves creepy ghost crimes with her friends who all dress in primary colors. I kept waiting for a talking dog. Seriously.
Katy Keene
Katy is a young and cute wannabe fashion designer, living with 3 other young and cute and apparently random Archie Comics supporting characters, who take on the big city as they reach for the sky as they fight for their dreams as they navigate life or some other kind of ridiculous young and cute bullshit idk
AMC, FX and OTHERS
Like last year, I couldn’t figure out how to find previews from their shitty websites that only seem to promote current streaming stuff and premium channels that I am way too cheap to pay for. So fuck em.
RECAP
Watching: Stumptown and Emergence on ABC, Deputy on Fox
Recording: Bluff City Law on NBC, maybe the first ep of Batwoman
Returning Shows: The Good Place and Brooklyn 99 on NBC, New Amsterdam on ABC
Anyway that’s it. Let me know if this helps.
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Okay here we go again. As you may or may not know, every August for the past way too many years I sit through all the previews of new scripted-shows on the free broadcast networks to decide what to watch and/or record. This is getting harder to do because nowadays no one watches broadcast TV live and everything is streamed and/or binged, so the networks don’t make a big deal about the fall season like they used to. But I persevered and searched extensively for about 5 minutes and watched every preview I could find and took notes so you don’t have to. So read on and let’s find out if there are any hidden gems hiding in the trash.
ABC
ABC only has 3 previews up, unlike last year’s 10 which were all turds and got cancelled (although I liked Whisky Cavalier because it was stupid fun with lots of explosions). So maybe they learned and are going with quality over quantity this time. Or maybe the Bachelor is so popular they don’t really give a shit anymore.
Stumptown
Agent Hill from the Avengers movies is a shady army vet turned tough private eye who fights crime and beats the shit out of everyone. The preview is really fun and the action scenes look promising and Cobie Smulders is a badass. This is the perfect replacement for Whisky Cavalier which also had great action scenes so I am def in.
Emergence
The girl cop from Fargo is a cop (what a shocker) who finds a little girl with amnesia and weird shit starts to happen all over the place revealing a larger and possibly otherworldly conspiracy. ABC has done this same plot like 14000 times, but the trailer was cool and the actors are good and I’m a sucker for a good mystery so I’m gonna give it a try. Most of these shows usually start out really well but it always feels like they have 2 endings planned, one that wraps shit up fast if it doesn’t get ratings, and another that stretches it out and waters things down if it gets renewed. Maybe this one will actually have a beginning middle and end but probably not. Anyway Ima watch it.
Wow two good ones in a row, that’s a new record! Let’s see what else they got.
Mixed-ish
Well there goes the streak. Apparently ABC has run out of races to exploit so they are going with the trials and tribulations of mixed-race kids. Also apparently it’s based on the mom from Black-ish as a teen but I couldn’t tell if it’s based on the character or the actor. But also apparently I don’t care because it looks lame as fuck. But, I must say that the Black-ish-mom-as-a-teen’s little sister was really cute and sassy in the preview. I bet she gets her own show on the Disney Channel when this tanks.
ABC Shows that Don’t Have Previews Probably For a Reason:
The Baker & The Beauty – a Cuban baker dates a super model and hilarity ensues no wait this is a drama?? wtf
For Life – A prisoner becomes a lawyer and represents other inmates as he builds a case to prove his innocence while butting heads with the tough female warden. This sounds like a CBS reject.
United We Fall – A husband and wife with 2 kids try to get by while shitty super-opinionated in-laws, neighbors, teachers, doctors, co-workers and even their kids tell them they suck. Hilarious!
NBC
I used to love NBC but these days it’s like 99% Dick (Wolf shows). And they totally phoned in the previews, which did nothing to hook the viewer. Just be sure to watch the final season of The Good Place, it is amazeballs.
Perfect Harmony
A crotchety music professor somehow ends up leading a shitty church choir to sing better I guess? I don’t know this one made absolutely no sense to me. I kept expecting to see Whoopie Goldberg in a nun suit or something. Hard pass
Sunnyside
Kumar from Harold & Kumar helps a bunch of super-insanely stereotyped immigrants study to become US citizens I guess? I don’t know this one probably means well but it seems awfully heavy-handed.
Bluff City Law
Jimmy Smits mentors a feisty and passionate female lawyer to take on “David vs Goliath” cases and change the world I guess? So it’s a feel-good kind of legal drama? Law with a heart? The preview was really not interesting so I didn’t pay that much attention but I’m not watching any law shows these days so I might watch it anyway and see if it goes anywhere.
CBS
For what it’s worth, these previews were produced the best of all the networks. I normally despise CBS because it panders to old people but I am apparently old now so maybe things are resonating more than they used to. Shit.
Bob Hearts Abishola
A fat white guy has a heart attack and falls in like with his Nigerian nurse. I really wanted to hate this but the preview was sweet and honest and had a charming purity that is a welcome counterpoint to all the racist rhetoric going on in the country today, and it didn’t feel like it was trying to teach me a lesson like the ABC shows do. I really hope I don’t watch it though because I want to cling to my youth a while longer.
All Rise
Misty Night from Luke Cage is a feisty and passionate district attorney turned feisty and passionate judge who does feisty and passionate things in her courtroom to just get to the truth dammit. So basically anyone who looks guilty is probably innocent and anyone who looks innocent is probably guilty. Case closed *gavel bang* next.
Carol’s Second Act
Patricia Heaton is a middle-aged divorced mom who becomes an intern at a hospital and is old. I counted like 47 age-related jokes in the preview so if you’re into hilarious light-hearted ageist humor that pokes fun but still retains a thread of wisdom and dignity, then you are definitely ready for CBS. Also Agent Cooper from Twin Peaks is a doctor that apparently has the hots for her so the ol’ plumbing is still working just fine there buddy.
Evil
A female psychiatrist joins forces with priest-in-training Luke Cage from Luke Cage to figure out if psycho serial killers are actually insane or possessed by demons. Who the fuck cares they are fucking psycho serial killers either way what difference does it make. But the trailer was kind of spooky so if the old ticker can still handle a jump or two then maybe check it out.
The Unicorn
Boyd Crowder from Justified is a widowed dad with 2 girls who hasn’t dated in over a year and all his friends try to get him to get over it and start dating and have sex I guess. That’s right, you heard me: Boyd fucking Crowder, the absolute baddest of badasses, is now a pussified suburban soccer dad whose peepee doesn’t work because he’s sad. Way to shatter the fantasy CBS. Jesus fucking christ
FOX
Last year Fox had 2 new shows, this year they have way too many and I got bored so these are short.
Bless the Harts
A new animated show about a poor southern white trash family doing poor southern white trash stuff. Wow this hasn’t been done before
Outmatched
Parents of 3 genius kids and one dumb kid have trouble raising them because they are super smart and/or super dumb. The only good thing in the preview was the dumb kid says “noses are just mouths that eat smells” which would be a great tweet. The dude who fucked the pie in American Pie stars.
Prodigal Son
The son of a horrific serial killer becomes a serial killer profiler and helps the cops catch horrific serial killers while fighting inner urges to serial kill. Fun for the whole family!
Not Just Me
A famous fertility doctor used his own sperm to help women get pregnant and his only legit daughter tracks down all her “sisters” or something. I don’t know man I think it’s supposed to be some kind of life-affirming identity crises feel-good show but the whole thing made me uncomfortable. I’m out
Deputy
The white detective from True Detective Season 3 is a tough as nails Justified-style lawman who becomes sheriff of LA County when the current sheriff drops dead, and of course butts heads with the brass as he treats the city like the Wild West. This is probably the closest we will come to another Justified and the actor dude is good so I am super hopeful. Fuck you Boyd Crowder you pussy we got True Detective 3 Guy now
neXT
Basically Alexa becomes Skynet and takes over everything while people trying to stop it continue to use technology and act like human idiots. This could be good but its been done a million times now and the preview was dull af because there are no robots from the future or anything actually cool.
Filthy Rich
The head of a $2 billion Christian TV network dies and names a bunch of bastard kids in his will as his heirs, making his wife and other kids super pissed as they all deal with how to deal with the whole deal. From what I could tell from the terribly done preview every single character is an unlikeable shithead, but if you want to see fake bullshit evangelists get called out for and/or get away with lots of their bullshit then check it out.
CW
This network is like the opposite of CBS. All the stars look like children and you need to be like 18 or younger to watch or you’re probably a pervert. But it’s kind of the superhero channel now too so maybe that’s cool? Idk I’m old now.
Batwoman
Batman is gone apparently, and a lot of young and cute weirdos are running roughshod over Gotham. So when the young and cute girlfriend of Bruce Wayne’s young and cute (and sexily butch) cousin is kidnapped by weirdos, she becomes Batwoman and beats up like a million weirdos. I probably won’t watch it because I’m not a perv but the fight scenes looked really cool and reminded me of season 1 Netfilx Daredevil.
Nancy Drew
A young and cute teen solves creepy ghost crimes with her friends who all dress in primary colors. I kept waiting for a talking dog. Seriously.
Katy Keene
Katy is a young and cute wannabe fashion designer, living with 3 other young and cute and apparently random Archie Comics supporting characters, who take on the big city as they reach for the sky as they fight for their dreams as they navigate life or some other kind of ridiculous young and cute bullshit idk
AMC, FX and OTHERS
Like last year, I couldn’t figure out how to find previews from their shitty websites that only seem to promote current streaming stuff and premium channels that I am way too cheap to pay for. So fuck em.
RECAP
Watching: Stumptown and Emergence on ABC, Deputy on Fox
Recording: Bluff City Law on NBC, maybe the first ep of Batwoman
Returning Shows: The Good Place and Brooklyn 99 on NBC, New Amsterdam on ABC
Anyway that’s it. Let me know if this helps.
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THE 2018 FALL PREVIEW REVIEW
Every year I watch all the previews on the major networks to decide what to watch and/or record. I really wasn’t going to do it this year because everything on network TV is incredibly bad and worthless except The Good Place on NBC, but I am stupid so I did it anyway. So strap yourself in, because every preview was incredibly disappointing and you should be glad you didn’t have to do it.
Remember this is only for the free major networks, because there is way too much content on the pay to watch services and everyone will hear about the good stuff eventually through the social medias anyway. Also fuck reality shows they are dead to me.
ABC
Single Parents
Whatshisname Killam from SNL is a wussified single parent who joins a parent group at a grade school with a bunch of other wacky single parents and hilarity ensues. Except they are all jaded and sad and selfish and wussified and none of the jokes are even remotely funny. Also the killiam dude looks way bloated and it creeped me out.
A Million Little Things
A seemingly normal happy guy commits suicide and his fairly large circle of friends all mope about it. They sit around and do the existential soul-searching thing and everyone cries and reevaluates their lives and looks for answers and, in typical ABC fashion, reveal secrets. If you like to be tear jerked here you go.
The Kids are Alright
This is the exact same premise as the Goldbergs except it’s a family of 8 boys in 1972. It’s also like The Wonder Years since one of the middle boys apparently narrates the stories. There could be some fun nostalgia for old guys like me but the whole thing looked pretty chaotic and the mom is a raging bitch so I doubt I will have the patience for it.
The Rookie
The guy who played Castle has a midlife crisis and joins the LAPD. Everyone hates him because he’s old lol. So Castle has to work extra hard to prove himself because blah blah blah and he ends up in a million life or death situations and does a whole bunch of cop stuff and points his gun at people a lot. But he’s old! lol
The Fix
A black athlete suspiciously like OJ is accused of murdering his wife suspiciously like OJ, and is found innocent suspiciously like OJ. Flash forward to 8 years later and his girlfriend is murdered. So all the lawyers from both sides all get back together for the big do-over because apparently they haven’t done anything else for the last 8 years. From what I could tell the prosecutors are more concerned about getting revenge for losing the first case but I’m sure they will get around to the new dead girl at some point. If you can’t get enough of OJ (which fyi is pig-latin for Joe) and want to fantasize about re-trying him then have fun.
Grand Hotel
A family-owned Miami hotel is the stage for sex, scandal and secrets. Everyone is super hot and does stuff that super hot people do like sleep with the guests and the help and maybe each other and also get in deep with the mob. Whatevs
Whiskey Cavalier
A heartbroken but capable manly man FBI agent ends up working with a tough as nails womanly woman CIA agent and lots of stuff blows up in exotic locations as they banter back and forth for the upper hand. This formula is as old as dirt and only works if the two have chemistry and the stories don’t get too predictable. But it will probably suck because of course it will.
NBC
Brooklyn Nine-Nine
This was originally on Fox and moved to NBC. It was very funny on Fox so don’t fuck it up NBC.
Manifest
A plane full of people in 2013 hit some heavy turbulence in the air and when they land it’s 2018. At first it seems to cover the people putting their lives back together, but then it gets into the “destiny” and “meant to be” and “random isn’t so random” stuff, and then it eventually switches to uncovering secrets. It seems like they will focus on why it happened way more than how it happened, and for that reason, I’m out.
I Feel Bad
A mom and career woman feels bad all the time and hilarity ensues. I feel bad that I watched this
New Amsterdam
A young hotshot medical director starts at a shitty old hospital and turns it upside down by actually trying to save people and stuff. If you like medical shows watch this one instead of the autistic one
PS Don’t forget to watch The Good Place because it’s good.
CBS
I think a lot of their new and potentially good stuff is on CBS All Access that you have to pay extra for so it will never be seen by anyone ever. Fuck you CBS All Access
Magnum PI
A guy who isn’t Tom Selleck is Magnum. Fuck you poser. Hard pass
FBI
Basically Law and Order: Terrorists. L&O is an occasional guilty pleasure so I might check it out, except it’s on CBS so I probably won’t. Also no one ever smiles.
Murphy Brown
Because absolutely no one demanded it, the entire MB cast is back. What’s the over/under on Candace Bergen going wacko on social media and then getting written off the show.
There are a handful of others but I didn’t bother because everything on CBS sucks balls and I already know I won’t watch any of them. Also Young Sheldon was renewed. Mother of God
FOX
The Passage
A secret government lab is trying to find a cure to all disease or something and needs a feisty 8 year old for some reason so Zack from Saved by the Bell goes to get her but suddenly grows a conscience and they go on the lam. Meanwhile all the secret lab people are trying to find them and the clock is ticking on a worldwide pandemic or something. Also Zack looks way bloated and it creeped me out.
The Cool Kids
A bunch of old dudes in a nursing home are upset when their friend dies and hilarity ensues. Then some old lady joins the gang and whoa momma look out shit be getting real up in here. Martin Mull stars.
I think there are more but the links were broken thank god
CW
All American
A talented kid from a bad neighborhood is recruited to play football in Beverly Hills and has some kind of existential crisis about it or something. Sports!
Legacies
A private school for gifted youngsters is actually a fancy-pants hogwarts where all the kids learn to deal with their powers and blend in with society or whatever. All the kids are apparently dumb and do dumb stuff that get them in trouble a lot and everyone has secrets. This is basically a tweener X-Men soap opera.
Charmed
Three sisters find out they are witches and learn to use their sisterly witch power to find who killed their mom or something. I guess the original cast got too old for the CW so they rebooted it because nothing is new or original anymore.
RECAP
New shows I will for sure record: Brooklyn Nine Nine, The Good Place, that’s seriously it everything else looks shitty and sucks. Maybe that whisky cavalier thing idk
Anyway that’s it. You’re welcome.
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THE 2017 FALL PREVIEW REVIEW
Since there is nothing good on TV right now and I am stupid, I checked through all the major networks for new Fall Show previews and wrote down my first impressions. I do this mainly to figure out what to save to my DVR, in hopes of finding a few good ones. My track record on good vs bad is like 50/50 so take what I say at your own risk.
I only do this for the free networks, because I assume I will hear about all the cool shows on Netflix and HBO along the way. I also skipped reality shows because they suck balls, but I will try to at least mention the returning shows that I’m still watching at the end so I am sure to record those too.
Okay here we go:
ABC
The Good Doctor
Basically it’s Doogie Howser with autism. So very episode will be this: someone is about to die and no one can figure out why. Then the weird kid figures it out but the normies don’t trust him so shit gets real. Then thanks to the help of the head of the hospital or something, the kid is proven right and everything turns out okay. Then everyone cries and celebrates and questions their expectations, except the weird kid because his emotions are “different”. Wash Rinse Repeat
Kevin Probably Saves the World
A self-centered ne’er-do-well is visited by a sassy angel and has to save the world. Or something, there was no video. It sounds a lot like a re-tooled The Good Place (which is excellent by the way) but the website doesn’t have a lot to go on so it will probably suck or maybe not air this year. Who gives a shit
Marvel’s Inhumans
So I guess the show begins as a movie in IMAX and then becomes a TV show on Friday nights. The Inhumans in the comics are pretty cool but I am not sure they will translate to TV because they are basically not supposed to be human (duh). There are some good actors in it but the special effects look pretty low-budget. I’m a marvel nerd so I will watch, in hopes that they tell interesting stories that focus on how not human they are. I got kind of bored with Agents of Shield even though it’s actually pretty good, so I predict that will happen here too.
The Mayor
A young wannabe rapper runs for mayor of his town and wins, ensuing hilarity. The kid is like a millennial fresh prince and Shirley from Community is his mom, and the girl from Glee is his campaign manager or something. The preview was actually not bad and the comedic timing of the jokes were impressive so this could be a pleasant sleeper comedy hit.
Ten Days in the Valley
Kyra Sedgwick is a writer for an SVU style TV show and her daughter gets kidnapped, basically turning her life into one of her episodes. She can’t trust anyone, everyone is a suspect, everyone has a secret, yadda yadda. If you want a reasonably well acted mystery with a lot of semi-lurid secrets and improbable twists, this one is for you. It’s on Sunday nights so apparently the network believes in it. I’ll save the first one.
Deception
A pompous but lovable magician and his ragtag group of illusionists hook up with a no-nonsense FBI agent with impossibly prominent cheek bones and her ragtag group of agents to solve crimes in spectacular and idiotic ways. Magic tricks don’t translate to TV so everything in the preview just looked stupid to me.
The Crossing
50 strangers (and 450 dead people) wash up on shore of a sleepy town, claiming to be refugees from a war in the future. Some of them have cool powers, or maybe the cool power dudes are hunting them I don’t know. The preview was confusing but interesting, in that it didn’t give everything away like most of them do. I will watch the first episode in hopes that it’s another Lost or something.
Alex Inc.
Some sort of Zach Braff thing where he changes careers or does a podcast or something. I really couldn’t follow the plot, or maybe just didn’t want to. If you like Zach Braff go for it.
Rosanne
Roseanne is back baby! And she’s the same as ever! ok
There were some others (a lot of these were in the “coming soon” section) but I got bored with ABC so fuck em let’s move on.
NBC
The Brave
A super elite task force does cool rescue stuff where some things go wrong but then mostly go right yet leave emotional scars and questions of morality. If you want to watch a bunch of hot macho dudes and hot tough as nails women kill bin laden each week this show is for you.
AP Bio
Dennis from It’s Always Sunny uses a class full of high school nerds to get revenge on the guy who stole his college job or something. No preview but it has Patton Oswalt and Vanessa Bayer and is written by Seth Meyer so maybe it has potential.
Will and Grace
Will and Grace are back baby! And they’re the same as ever! ok
There are some others but no previews so screw ‘em they all look stupid. NBC you weak af
CBS
Star Trek Discovery
Okay this looks really really awesome. The special effects were excellent in the preview and it looks like there are some strong actors too. I love star trek so I hope I’m not disappointed.
Young Sheldon
My god this looks so so so so so horribly horribly bad. Fuck you CBS fuck you young sheldon
Seal Team
A super elite navy seal does cool rescue stuff where some things go wrong but then mostly go right yet leave emotional scars and questions of morality. If you want to watch a bunch of hot macho dudes and hot tough as nails women kill bin laden each week this show is for you. Wait a sec this is exactly the same as The Brave on NBC what the fuck
9JKL
A TV action star gets his show cancelled and loses all his money in a divorce so he moves into an apartment in between his parents and brother who violate his privacy. The mom was pretty funny in the preview but it’s a total one-note comedy. Skip
Me Myself and I
The same semi-nerdy dude is shown at age 14, 40 and 70 dealing with hilariously relatable life stuff. Bobby Moynihan and John Laroquette are in it. The preview was fine I guess. Ima pass tho
FOX
The Gifted
A Marvel show about a family of mutants who learn to deal with their powers while hiding from the feds or whatever. None of the previews would play but this one is written and directed by the same group that does the Marvel movies and Netflix series, so I will give it a try because I’m a Marvel fanboy.
Ghosted
Ben from Parks & Rec and Darryl from The Office are recruited by a Men in Black type organization to investigate paranormal activity. These guys are both really funny and the preview was very entertaining so I’ll def give it a shot.
The Orville
The Family Guy guy stars in a star trek spoof. The preview is full of stereotypically misogynistic Family Guy-style jokes, but it also looks like it’s trying to be an actual trek-like drama of sorts. I think having it on at the same time a new “real” Star Trek show is on another network will hurt it big time. Bad timing on this one, I don’t think it will last. Also Seth McFarlane is not a good actor.
The Resident
Another doctor show about how hard and shitty it is to be a doctor or something. I think the hook here is that they show how lame and corrupt hospitals are, and they perform miracles despite themselves. Or something, I don’t know. If you want to watch hot doctors and nurses bicker with each other while saving lives that leave emotional scars and questions of morality, then have at it.
CW
Life Sentence
A cute girl and her family deal with her dying of cancer for 8 years, and when she’s finally cured they don’t know what to do next. It’s actually a pretty interesting premise and everyone on the show is insanely good looking so idk maybe if you want another show like This is Us that will make you laugh and cry and feel funny then okay.
Black Lightning
A retired superhero comes out of retirement to kick major ass and protect his family. The preview was dark and gritty and reminded me a little of Daredevil on Netflix. The only difference is he’s smashing really young-looking street punks instead of faceless mobsters and ninjas. So when he smashes a kid through a wall, off a balcony and into a car it all seems pretty excessive in the violence department.
Dynasty
The Carringtons are back baby! And they are the same as ever! ok
Valor
An elite military team does cool rescue stuff where some things go wrong but then mostly go right yet leave emotional scars and questions of morality. This one focuses on a woman pilot or something so it’s totally different than the other two that are just exactly like it. My god, it’s like all the networks are preparing us for a war or something.
I couldn’t find any new shows listed for FX or AMC, all these websites do streaming now and don’t really promote their coming soon stuff like they used to. So I guess I’m done.
RECAP
New shows I will for sure record: The Crossing, Star Trek, The Gifted, Ghosted
New shows I will probably record and eventually give up on: The Inhumans, The Mayor , AP Bio,
Life Sentence, Ten Days in the Valley
Returning Shows I am looking forward to: Brooklyn 99, The Good Place, Mr. Robot, This is Us, Preacher, various HBO stuff, Showtime stuff, Netflix stuff blah blah blah yada yada etcetera etcetera
And there you have it, the end.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Since there is nothing good on TV right now and I am stupid, I checked through all the major networks for new Fall Show previews and wrote down my first impressions. I do this mainly to figure out what to save to my DVR, in hopes of finding a few good ones. My track record on good vs bad is like 50/50 so take what I say at your own risk.
I only do this for the free networks, because I assume I will hear about all the cool shows on Netflix and HBO along the way. I also skipped reality shows because they suck balls, but I will try to at least mention the returning shows that I’m still watching at the end so I am sure to record those too.
Okay here we go:
ABC
The Good Doctor
Basically it’s Doogie Howser with autism. So very episode will be this: someone is about to die and no one can figure out why. Then the weird kid figures it out but the normies don’t trust him so shit gets real. Then thanks to the help of the head of the hospital or something, the kid is proven right and everything turns out okay. Then everyone cries and celebrates and questions their expectations, except the weird kid because his emotions are “different”. Wash Rinse Repeat
Kevin Probably Saves the World
A self-centered ne’er-do-well is visited by a sassy angel and has to save the world. Or something, there was no video. It sounds a lot like a re-tooled The Good Place (which is excellent by the way) but the website doesn’t have a lot to go on so it will probably suck or maybe not air this year. Who gives a shit
Marvel’s Inhumans
So I guess the show begins as a movie in IMAX and then becomes a TV show on Friday nights. The Inhumans in the comics are pretty cool but I am not sure they will translate to TV because they are basically not supposed to be human (duh). There are some good actors in it but the special effects look pretty low-budget. I’m a marvel nerd so I will watch, in hopes that they tell interesting stories that focus on how not human they are. I got kind of bored with Agents of Shield even though it’s actually pretty good, so I predict that will happen here too.
The Mayor
A young wannabe rapper runs for mayor of his town and wins, ensuing hilarity. The kid is like a millennial fresh prince and Shirley from Community is his mom, and the girl from Glee is his campaign manager or something. The preview was actually not bad and the comedic timing of the jokes were impressive so this could be a pleasant sleeper comedy hit.
Ten Days in the Valley
Kyra Sedgwick is a writer for an SVU style TV show and her daughter gets kidnapped, basically turning her life into one of her episodes. She can’t trust anyone, everyone is a suspect, everyone has a secret, yadda yadda. If you want a reasonably well acted mystery with a lot of semi-lurid secrets and improbable twists, this one is for you. It’s on Sunday nights so apparently the network believes in it. I’ll save the first one.
Deception
A pompous but lovable magician and his ragtag group of illusionists hook up with a no-nonsense FBI agent with impossibly prominent cheek bones and her ragtag group of agents to solve crimes in spectacular and idiotic ways. Magic tricks don’t translate to TV so everything in the preview just looked stupid to me.
The Crossing
50 strangers (and 450 dead people) wash up on shore of a sleepy town, claiming to be refugees from a war in the future. Some of them have cool powers, or maybe the cool power dudes are hunting them I don’t know. The preview was confusing but interesting, in that it didn’t give everything away like most of them do. I will watch the first episode in hopes that it’s another Lost or something.
Alex Inc.
Some sort of Zach Braff thing where he changes careers or does a podcast or something. I really couldn’t follow the plot, or maybe just didn’t want to. If you like Zach Braff go for it.
Rosanne
Roseanne is back baby! And she’s the same as ever! ok
There were some others (a lot of these were in the “coming soon” section) but I got bored with ABC so fuck em let’s move on.
NBC
The Brave
A super elite task force does cool rescue stuff where some things go wrong but then mostly go right yet leave emotional scars and questions of morality. If you want to watch a bunch of hot macho dudes and hot tough as nails women kill bin laden each week this show is for you.
AP Bio
Dennis from It’s Always Sunny uses a class full of high school nerds to get revenge on the guy who stole his college job or something. No preview but it has Patton Oswalt and Vanessa Bayer and is written by Seth Meyer so maybe it has potential.
Will and Grace
Will and Grace are back baby! And they’re the same as ever! ok
There are some others but no previews so screw ‘em they all look stupid. NBC you weak af
CBS
Star Trek Discovery
Okay this looks really really awesome. The special effects were excellent in the preview and it looks like there are some strong actors too. I love star trek so I hope I’m not disappointed.
Young Sheldon
My god this looks so so so so so horribly horribly bad. Fuck you CBS fuck you young sheldon
Seal Team
A super elite navy seal does cool rescue stuff where some things go wrong but then mostly go right yet leave emotional scars and questions of morality. If you want to watch a bunch of hot macho dudes and hot tough as nails women kill bin laden each week this show is for you. Wait a sec this is exactly the same as The Brave on NBC what the fuck
9JKL
A TV action star gets his show cancelled and loses all his money in a divorce so he moves into an apartment in between his parents and brother who violate his privacy. The mom was pretty funny in the preview but it’s a total one-note comedy. Skip
Me Myself and I
The same semi-nerdy dude is shown at age 14, 40 and 70 dealing with hilariously relatable life stuff. Bobby Moynihan and John Laroquette are in it. The preview was fine I guess. Ima pass tho
FOX
The Gifted
A Marvel show about a family of mutants who learn to deal with their powers while hiding from the feds or whatever. None of the previews would play but this one is written and directed by the same group that does the Marvel movies and Netflix series, so I will give it a try because I’m a Marvel fanboy.
Ghosted
Ben from Parks & Rec and Darryl from The Office are recruited by a Men in Black type organization to investigate paranormal activity. These guys are both really funny and the preview was very entertaining so I’ll def give it a shot.
The Orville
The Family Guy guy stars in a star trek spoof. The preview is full of stereotypically misogynistic Family Guy-style jokes, but it also looks like it’s trying to be an actual trek-like drama of sorts. I think having it on at the same time a new “real” Star Trek show is on another network will hurt it big time. Bad timing on this one, I don’t think it will last. Also Seth McFarlane is not a good actor.
The Resident
Another doctor show about how hard and shitty it is to be a doctor or something. I think the hook here is that they show how lame and corrupt hospitals are, and they perform miracles despite themselves. Or something, I don’t know. If you want to watch hot doctors and nurses bicker with each other while saving lives that leave emotional scars and questions of morality, then have at it.
CW
Life Sentence
A cute girl and her family deal with her dying of cancer for 8 years, and when she’s finally cured they don’t know what to do next. It’s actually a pretty interesting premise and everyone on the show is insanely good looking so idk maybe if you want another show like This is Us that will make you laugh and cry and feel funny then okay.
Black Lightning
A retired superhero comes out of retirement to kick major ass and protect his family. The preview was dark and gritty and reminded me a little of Daredevil on Netflix. The only difference is he’s smashing really young-looking street punks instead of faceless mobsters and ninjas. So when he smashes a kid through a wall, off a balcony and into a car it all seems pretty excessive in the violence department.
Dynasty
The Carringtons are back baby! And they are the same as ever! ok
Valor
An elite military team does cool rescue stuff where some things go wrong but then mostly go right yet leave emotional scars and questions of morality. This one focuses on a woman pilot or something so it’s totally different than the other two that are just exactly like it. My god, it’s like all the networks are preparing us for a war or something.
I couldn’t find any new shows listed for FX or AMC, all these websites do streaming now and don’t really promote their coming soon stuff like they used to. So I guess I’m done.
RECAP
New shows I will for sure record: The Crossing, Star Trek, The Gifted, Ghosted
New shows I will probably record and eventually give up on: The Inhumans, The Mayor , AP Bio,
Life Sentence, Ten Days in the Valley
Returning Shows I am looking forward to: Brooklyn 99, The Good Place, Mr. Robot, This is Us, Preacher, various HBO stuff, Showtime stuff, Netflix stuff blah blah blah yada yada etcetera etcetera
And there you have it, the end.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE 2016 FALL PREVIEW REVIEW
I usually do this in August but the way people watch shows now makes a Fall Season kind of irrelevant, so it skipped by me. But because there is nothing good on right now and I am stupid, I checked all the major networks for show previews anyway and wrote down my first impressions.
Reminders:
ABC
Conviction
The girl who played Agent Carter is a party hearty senator's daughter who is forced to solve crimes instead of go to jail and along the way learns redemption or some nonsense. Nothing about the preview made me want to watch this. Agent Carter was better.
Designated Survivor
Kiefer Sutherland is the only cabinet member to survive an attack on the white house and becomes the president. The preview shows just enough to tease some great potential with mostly likable heroes. Keifer playing a complex character could be trouble, but I love this premise and really hope ABC doesn't fuck it up. I’m gonna watch it.
Notorious
A hunky homicide detective and a sexy cable news producer do powerful media stuff to control the media and solve crimes or some shit. This was all flash and no substance so it was hard to really tell what is going on, but my guess is it's a pretty typical ABC drama with a lot of flash and not much substance. I think it’s based on some kind of true story but who gives a fuck. Out.
Still Star Crossed
A period drama that picks up on Romeo and Juliet's shitty families right after the double suicide. No preview yet but really? Who would even watch this. What the heck
Time After Time
HG Wells takes a time machine to modern times to find Jack the Ripper. There are a fuckton of time travel shows this season, and this one seems the weakest in terms of a series. The preview is actually pretty captivating but it should probably be a movie, not a series. I’ll skip this and go with one of the others.
American Housewife
A fat mom and her weird family move into Skinnyville CT and hilarity ensues. If you like super white comedies here you go. Yawn.
Imaginary Mary
Jenna Elfman has a fear of kids and marriage and falls in love with a guy with kids who wants to get married. Also she has an imaginary friend named Mary. Whatevs.
Speechless
Minnie Driver is a mom with a kid with MS who she tries desperately to give a normal life, while continually pointing out all the ways he is different. Hi-fucking-larious. Minnie Driver is pretty fun to watch but this seems as preachy and super politically correct as you can get.
Downward Dog
A comedy from a dog's perspective. No preview yet, so it all depends on how cute the dog is tbh.
NBC
Timeless
Another time travel show that actually seems worth watching. The preview looks great with very good production values and the characters seem like they’d be fun to watch. I'm in on this one.
This is Us
a whole bunch of people who share the same birthday go through complicated life stuff like having babies and losing weight in this over the top super sappy "dramedy". I think this is NBC's substitute for Parenthood (which I also never watched) so if you like that sort of thing have at it.
The Good Place
Kristen Bell dies and goes to Heaven, but it was a mixup and she's not really supposed to be there. The preview was bright and fun and I love Kristen Bell (and Ted Danson!) so I'm going to tune in and hope it lives up to its name.
Shows without Previews so fuck em
Emerald City
A Few Good Men – (yes, THAT a few good men)
Better Late Than Never
The Blacklist: Redemption
Chicago Justice
Great News
Marlon
Midnight, Texas
Powerless
Taken - (yes THAT Taken)
Trial and Error
CBS
Bull
A hunky smartass is like some kind of jury choosing savant or something, I don't know. The preview sucks and so does this show. Fuck this.
The Great Indoors
Joel McHale is like some kind of outdoorsy adventurer dude who is forced to take a desk job with an internet magazine full of clueless millennials. This will do well with the CBS old people audience, as that handsome young man puts those uppity kids in their place, while imparting enough teen lingo to help the audience connect with their grandkids. Oh McLovin is in it too.
Kevin Can Wait
Kevin James is like some kind of Kevin Jamesish dude doing Kevin Jamesish stuff. I totally agree with the title of this show.
MacGyver
Some kind of new smarmy kid with a huge tude is the new MacGyver doing MacGyverish stuff all over the place. This may be so stupid it could be great, but the actor is so fucking smarmy in the preview that I don't think I can do it. I never watched the original MacGyver either actually.
Man with a Plan
Matt LaBlanc is like some kind of man's man who becomes a stay at home dad and has to deal with kids and moms and shit. It looks and sounds like an Adam Sandler movie to me. So if you want to see Joey pretend to be Adam Sandler once a week go for it.
Pure Genius
a young billionaire braniac is some kind of medically obsessed tech genius who builds an insanely advanced hospital that looks like the fucking starship enterprise and treats patients with super rare and fucked up diseases. Oh and guess what the rich dude is dying of a super rare and fucked up disease. Shocker! I totally don’t understand what this show is trying to be. It’s like a sappy hospital drama but they use made up wish-list medical equipment to cure them. How is that even relatable? CBS must have a big CGI budget leftover from something or other.
FOX
24 Legacy
FUCK YEAH!! No Jack Bauer, but still FUCK YEAH!! The preview literally says "I'm the only one" and "NOW" like a billion times. FUCK YEAH!!
APB
Some rich dude somehow buys the 13th district in Chicago and uses high tech to fight crime there. This looks so much like a CBS show it can't possibly survive on FOX. It also makes the cops look like a fucking army invading the streets of Chicago with armored cars and targeted drone strikes. Yikes.
Making History
Another time travel show but with a comedic twist that actually was kind of funny. The lead dudes seem really likable, and I am drawn to shows with likable characters. It deals mainly with a guy going back to the revolutionary war because he has the hots for Paul Revere’s daughter, and hilarity ensues as time gets all fucked up because of it. I might give this a try.
The Mick
What's her name from Its Always Sunny is basically the same person in a different show where she has to take care of some super rich kids for some reason. She is awesome (even though I have no idea what her real name is) and the preview was pretty funny so I'll give it a shot.
Prison Break
It's back for a second season like a billion years after the first one, which I didn't watch. So if you were a fan you're in luck. Let me know how it goes.
Lethal Weapon
Riggs and Murtaugh are back as two mere shadows of their original Gibson/Glover incarnations. The preview is basically a redo of the first movie, complete with a shit ton of bad guys being mudrered at close range with no remorse or consequences, followed by massive explosions and blustery banter. The success of this show will all depend on the chemistry between the two dudes playing Riggs and Murtaugh, and Daymon Wayans is Murtaugh, so... I loved the LW movies so I might watch the pilot just so I can scoff at it.
Son of Zorn
A cartoon barbarian moves to the suburbs with his real people family. This looks like it should be on Adult Swim and will be a lot of fun if it doesn't get too repetitive. It is really really weird and cool.
Pitch
The dramatic story of the first woman to play major league baseball. If you like baseball shows this one has it all, including crying. The preview plays a lot like a typical baseball movie so I can’t see how it can survive as a series. But if baseball is your thing then it looks like a quality show. Maybe.
The Exorcist
If you like scary stuff then here you go. Everything about this show is creepy and gross, including academy award winner Geena Davis. But they kinda won me over when they played Tubular Bells at the end of the preview. Normally I am not a big scary show guy but sometimes they are fun so we might check it out.
Star
Three singers try to make it in the music biz or something. I'm not really sure exactly, there are too many fucking shows on Fox and i lost interest. Oh yeah Lenny Kravitz and Queen Latifah are in it.
CW
No Tomorrow
A cute girl meets a hunky guy who is convinced the world is going to end in 8 months so they do a bunch of stupid shit together. Not my cuppa.
Frequency
A hot girl detective figures out a way to talk to her supposedly dead father who totally fucks up time and shit gets weird. Another fucking time travel show what the heck is going on. It actually did look kinda 12-monkeys-ish though so I’m gonna check it out.
FX
I couldn’t figure out how to navigate the FX website so fuck em. Donald Glover has a new show called Atlanta that just started and looks pretty good tho.
AMC
Son
I couldn’t figure out AMC's website either but there was one short teaser for a cowboys & indians show starring Pierce Brosnan. Nothing says cowboys & indians more than Pierce Brosnan.
RECAP
For Sure: Designated Survivor, Timeless, The Good Place, 24: Legacy, The Mick, Son of Zorn
Probably: Making History, Frequency, The Exorcist
Maybe: Lethal Weapon, Atlanta
Returning Shows I like: Blindspot, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, New Girl, Supergirl, The 100, The Americans,
Mr. Robot, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, The Leftovers, Homeland
And there you have it, the end.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I usually do this in August but the way people watch shows now makes a Fall Season kind of irrelevant, so it skipped by me. But because there is nothing good on right now and I am stupid, I checked all the major networks for show previews anyway and wrote down my first impressions.
Reminders:
- I do this mainly to figure out what to save to my DVR. If I like the first few it stays, if not it goes.
- My track record on good vs bad is like 50/50 so take what I say at your own risk. Well actually my record is more like 60/40 but only because 90% of the shows suck right from the get go.
- I only do the major broadcast networks cuz everyone is going to watch the HBO and Showtime stuff already so there's no need to waste more of my time.
- I skipped over reality shows and returning shows. You’re on your own there.
ABC
Conviction
The girl who played Agent Carter is a party hearty senator's daughter who is forced to solve crimes instead of go to jail and along the way learns redemption or some nonsense. Nothing about the preview made me want to watch this. Agent Carter was better.
Designated Survivor
Kiefer Sutherland is the only cabinet member to survive an attack on the white house and becomes the president. The preview shows just enough to tease some great potential with mostly likable heroes. Keifer playing a complex character could be trouble, but I love this premise and really hope ABC doesn't fuck it up. I’m gonna watch it.
Notorious
A hunky homicide detective and a sexy cable news producer do powerful media stuff to control the media and solve crimes or some shit. This was all flash and no substance so it was hard to really tell what is going on, but my guess is it's a pretty typical ABC drama with a lot of flash and not much substance. I think it’s based on some kind of true story but who gives a fuck. Out.
Still Star Crossed
A period drama that picks up on Romeo and Juliet's shitty families right after the double suicide. No preview yet but really? Who would even watch this. What the heck
Time After Time
HG Wells takes a time machine to modern times to find Jack the Ripper. There are a fuckton of time travel shows this season, and this one seems the weakest in terms of a series. The preview is actually pretty captivating but it should probably be a movie, not a series. I’ll skip this and go with one of the others.
American Housewife
A fat mom and her weird family move into Skinnyville CT and hilarity ensues. If you like super white comedies here you go. Yawn.
Imaginary Mary
Jenna Elfman has a fear of kids and marriage and falls in love with a guy with kids who wants to get married. Also she has an imaginary friend named Mary. Whatevs.
Speechless
Minnie Driver is a mom with a kid with MS who she tries desperately to give a normal life, while continually pointing out all the ways he is different. Hi-fucking-larious. Minnie Driver is pretty fun to watch but this seems as preachy and super politically correct as you can get.
Downward Dog
A comedy from a dog's perspective. No preview yet, so it all depends on how cute the dog is tbh.
NBC
Timeless
Another time travel show that actually seems worth watching. The preview looks great with very good production values and the characters seem like they’d be fun to watch. I'm in on this one.
This is Us
a whole bunch of people who share the same birthday go through complicated life stuff like having babies and losing weight in this over the top super sappy "dramedy". I think this is NBC's substitute for Parenthood (which I also never watched) so if you like that sort of thing have at it.
The Good Place
Kristen Bell dies and goes to Heaven, but it was a mixup and she's not really supposed to be there. The preview was bright and fun and I love Kristen Bell (and Ted Danson!) so I'm going to tune in and hope it lives up to its name.
Shows without Previews so fuck em
Emerald City
A Few Good Men – (yes, THAT a few good men)
Better Late Than Never
The Blacklist: Redemption
Chicago Justice
Great News
Marlon
Midnight, Texas
Powerless
Taken - (yes THAT Taken)
Trial and Error
CBS
Bull
A hunky smartass is like some kind of jury choosing savant or something, I don't know. The preview sucks and so does this show. Fuck this.
The Great Indoors
Joel McHale is like some kind of outdoorsy adventurer dude who is forced to take a desk job with an internet magazine full of clueless millennials. This will do well with the CBS old people audience, as that handsome young man puts those uppity kids in their place, while imparting enough teen lingo to help the audience connect with their grandkids. Oh McLovin is in it too.
Kevin Can Wait
Kevin James is like some kind of Kevin Jamesish dude doing Kevin Jamesish stuff. I totally agree with the title of this show.
MacGyver
Some kind of new smarmy kid with a huge tude is the new MacGyver doing MacGyverish stuff all over the place. This may be so stupid it could be great, but the actor is so fucking smarmy in the preview that I don't think I can do it. I never watched the original MacGyver either actually.
Man with a Plan
Matt LaBlanc is like some kind of man's man who becomes a stay at home dad and has to deal with kids and moms and shit. It looks and sounds like an Adam Sandler movie to me. So if you want to see Joey pretend to be Adam Sandler once a week go for it.
Pure Genius
a young billionaire braniac is some kind of medically obsessed tech genius who builds an insanely advanced hospital that looks like the fucking starship enterprise and treats patients with super rare and fucked up diseases. Oh and guess what the rich dude is dying of a super rare and fucked up disease. Shocker! I totally don’t understand what this show is trying to be. It’s like a sappy hospital drama but they use made up wish-list medical equipment to cure them. How is that even relatable? CBS must have a big CGI budget leftover from something or other.
FOX
24 Legacy
FUCK YEAH!! No Jack Bauer, but still FUCK YEAH!! The preview literally says "I'm the only one" and "NOW" like a billion times. FUCK YEAH!!
APB
Some rich dude somehow buys the 13th district in Chicago and uses high tech to fight crime there. This looks so much like a CBS show it can't possibly survive on FOX. It also makes the cops look like a fucking army invading the streets of Chicago with armored cars and targeted drone strikes. Yikes.
Making History
Another time travel show but with a comedic twist that actually was kind of funny. The lead dudes seem really likable, and I am drawn to shows with likable characters. It deals mainly with a guy going back to the revolutionary war because he has the hots for Paul Revere’s daughter, and hilarity ensues as time gets all fucked up because of it. I might give this a try.
The Mick
What's her name from Its Always Sunny is basically the same person in a different show where she has to take care of some super rich kids for some reason. She is awesome (even though I have no idea what her real name is) and the preview was pretty funny so I'll give it a shot.
Prison Break
It's back for a second season like a billion years after the first one, which I didn't watch. So if you were a fan you're in luck. Let me know how it goes.
Lethal Weapon
Riggs and Murtaugh are back as two mere shadows of their original Gibson/Glover incarnations. The preview is basically a redo of the first movie, complete with a shit ton of bad guys being mudrered at close range with no remorse or consequences, followed by massive explosions and blustery banter. The success of this show will all depend on the chemistry between the two dudes playing Riggs and Murtaugh, and Daymon Wayans is Murtaugh, so... I loved the LW movies so I might watch the pilot just so I can scoff at it.
Son of Zorn
A cartoon barbarian moves to the suburbs with his real people family. This looks like it should be on Adult Swim and will be a lot of fun if it doesn't get too repetitive. It is really really weird and cool.
Pitch
The dramatic story of the first woman to play major league baseball. If you like baseball shows this one has it all, including crying. The preview plays a lot like a typical baseball movie so I can’t see how it can survive as a series. But if baseball is your thing then it looks like a quality show. Maybe.
The Exorcist
If you like scary stuff then here you go. Everything about this show is creepy and gross, including academy award winner Geena Davis. But they kinda won me over when they played Tubular Bells at the end of the preview. Normally I am not a big scary show guy but sometimes they are fun so we might check it out.
Star
Three singers try to make it in the music biz or something. I'm not really sure exactly, there are too many fucking shows on Fox and i lost interest. Oh yeah Lenny Kravitz and Queen Latifah are in it.
CW
No Tomorrow
A cute girl meets a hunky guy who is convinced the world is going to end in 8 months so they do a bunch of stupid shit together. Not my cuppa.
Frequency
A hot girl detective figures out a way to talk to her supposedly dead father who totally fucks up time and shit gets weird. Another fucking time travel show what the heck is going on. It actually did look kinda 12-monkeys-ish though so I’m gonna check it out.
FX
I couldn’t figure out how to navigate the FX website so fuck em. Donald Glover has a new show called Atlanta that just started and looks pretty good tho.
AMC
Son
I couldn’t figure out AMC's website either but there was one short teaser for a cowboys & indians show starring Pierce Brosnan. Nothing says cowboys & indians more than Pierce Brosnan.
RECAP
For Sure: Designated Survivor, Timeless, The Good Place, 24: Legacy, The Mick, Son of Zorn
Probably: Making History, Frequency, The Exorcist
Maybe: Lethal Weapon, Atlanta
Returning Shows I like: Blindspot, Brooklyn Nine-Nine, New Girl, Supergirl, The 100, The Americans,
Mr. Robot, The Walking Dead, Game of Thrones, The Leftovers, Homeland
And there you have it, the end.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE 2015 FALL PREVIEW REVIEW
Since there is nothing on TV in August except reruns and horribly doomed reality shows, I spend the time I would normally watch TV to check up on all of the hype and previews for upcoming Fall season. Here are my first impressions of the previews, hopefully sparing you from wasting the time I did.
Before we begin a few important notes:
Okay here we go:
ABC http://abc.go.com/new-shows
The Catch
Linden from The Killing is a con artist investigator who gets conned by her fiancé (such IRONY) and goes on an elaborate con to get revenge while also solving other cons. I love Linden so I may watch this just for her (she looks fabulous in the preview). But this is an ABC drama so it will be heavy on overly dramatic emotions and Shocking Plot Twists™ like Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder and whatever other shitty shows they have that are popular but I don't watch. I might try this to see if Linden can raise the acting up a notch but probably not.
Dr. Ken
Chang from Community is a wise-crackin’ doctor and family man who tries to be wacky and lovable while spouting insanely stilted horrible dialog in insanely stilted horrible situations. Woah this preview was insanely stilted and horrible. Maybe Chang can carry it but unless you're super stoned or super dumb I don't think it will last or be funny. It looks really really bad.
The Family
A kid who's been missing for 10 years suddenly reappears and his politically motivated family has trouble dealing with it. The whole preview focused on the family’s reaction to the kid showing up and how it will disrupt their lives, instead of explaining what happened to the kid, and I don’t really care about the whiney shitty family and their selfish bullshit I want to know what happened to the kid. Fuck you whiney shitty family, fuck you to hell.
The Muppets
It's the Muppets in prime time again, doing edgy-ish adult-ish meta-ish inside-jokes with lots of pop culture references and celebrity cameos again - you know, the Muppets. Personally I am on the fence about the Muppets but if you love the Muppets then you will watch this so good for you.
Of Kings and Prophets
Basically Game of Thrones disguised as a biblical story, or maybe a biblical story disguised as Game of Thrones. Anyway GoT fulfills my quota of weird people with weird english accents doing weird things with weirdly huge swords so i'ma gonna pass.
Blood & Oil
It’s basically Dallas with Don Johnson as JR fighting with a bunch of (way younger) hot dudes over hot babes and hot land. Meh
Quantico
A bunch of FBI Recruits are going thru training camp and then all the sudden get accused of
causing 911 or some weird-ass bullcrap that makes them hunted fugitives while searching for The Truth. Every single person on this show is fucking beautiful so the eye candy may be worth a look, but it's on Sundays so it will lose out to the zillion other better shows on that night. I’ll probably stick with Homeland and skip it but if you watch let me know if they figure out if jet fuel can melt steel beams.
The Real Oneals
Virginia from Raising Hope is the mom of a supposed perfect catholic family that is not so perfect and Hilarity Ensues™ in this uncomfortable coming of age show. The preview was funny in spots but mostly just very very awkward, embarrassing and somewhat sad.
Uncle Buck
A remake of the movie with an african american cast to change it up. The preview did nothing for me but if you like a drunk uncle caring for clueless kids here you go.
Wicked City
A serial killer in the 80s is on the loose and cops try to stop him. It looks very 80s period and seems to focus on the killer instead of the cops (similar to The Fall on Netflix, which is good). Looks pretty tense with lots of close calls and twisty scare tactics but since this is ABC they will probably get too implausible with too many Shocking Plot Twists™ and also fuck up the 80s era with a bunch of non-80s references that will just piss me off.
NBC http://www.nbc.com/shows/upcoming
Blindspot
A naked girl is found in a duffel bag with no memory & covered in tattoos and then she turns out to be a super badass who is the key to solving a whole bunch of cool crime stuff with some hunky FBI dude. The preview is awesome and NBC generally does stylish cool violent shit like this well so I am looking forward to this one. I sure hope it lives up to the great preview. I also really hope that the key to the whole mystery is a tattoo on her nipple.
The Carmichael Show
EVERYONE YELLS ALL THE TIME FOR THE WHOLE SHOW HOLY SHIT CALM DOWN YOU PEOPLE
Chicago Med
I don’t watch Chicago PD or Chicago Fire, but when I catch them here and there they are decent mindless television. This is basically “Chicago Hospital” so I assume it’s exactly the same kind of predictable story with amazing looking, angsty professionals of varying ethnicities who save lives and fuck each other like rabbits. I look forward to catching this for the 3 seconds it takes to switch over to my DVR.
Coach
Yes that Coach, with Craig T Nelson and everything. I am excited that I get to not watch this the same way I did not watch the original. I wonder if they got Patrick the Starfish back too.
Crowded
Empty nesters are upset when their hot grownup daughters move back in, and Hilarity Ensues™. Sigh, whatevs.
Emerald City
Apparently another OZ retelling. No preview yet and I’m curious to see what it’s about even though I will still totally skip it.
Heartbreaker
A hot blonde heart surgeon does cool risky surgeon stuff against all odds to save the lives of tragically dying patients. It looks a lot like any of the other jillion hospital shows except they seem to be focusing on the one brilliant-and-compassionate-yet-flawed doctor instead of the whole hospital staff. I totally get the feeling this was originally made for Katherine Heigl but she’s too much of a diva to work with so they replaced her with some other generic hot blonde. That’ll show her
Heroes Reborn
Hell yeah baby bring it on! I fucking loved Heroes and don’t even care that it turned shitty so fuck all you haters. I want more and I’ll watch every god damned episode of this too even though the preview is all over the place and doesn’t look very good but so what it’s fucking Heroes dammit
The Player
Wesley Snipes hires a badass black-ops dude to pull off mission impossible style double-crosses to stop mission impossible style Vegas heists. The black-ops dude looks tough as shit and the SFX might be pretty fun and Snipes is a fucking douche whose eyes always look out of focus which I find hilarious.
Shades of Blue
Jennifer Lopez is a tough NY detective who has to haha has to hahaHAHAHAHAHAHA oh god JLo is a cop hahahaha i can't even
Superstore
Half hour comedy about workers in a WalMart-ish store. No preview yet but it's from the people who did The Office so maybe it'll be funny. I’ll keep an eye out for it.
Truth Be Told
A super well off white couple and a super well off black couple are best friends in the super well off suburbs, in this wacky suburban family situation comedy. Zack from Saved by the Bell stars. There is literally nothing of substance or interest here. I think I may have yawned once.
You, Me and the End of the World
A comet is going to destroy the earth and Hilarity Ensues™ in this hour-long comedy-drama (comdrom). There is no preview yet but it stars Rob Lowe, Tammy Two from Parks, and Pam from the Office so it could be pretty funny if it isn't totally stupid.
CBS http://www.cbs.com/shows/cbs-fall-previews-2015/
Angel From Hell
Jane Lynch is a sassy smart talkin' guardian angel who protects a cute doctor from herself in sassy & smart talkin’ (yet sweet) ways. The preview is actually pretty funny (and sassy & sweet) and everyone including Lynch is very likable. This could be a surprise sleeper if you like a heavy-handed message disguised as lighthearted fluff, but this is CBS so they will probably blow it and go for sappy over funny. I am not old enough for CBS shows.
Code Black
Basically ER ramped up to 11. If you like lots of different people dealing with near death experiences and adrenaline-fueled panic in the most bizarre and gruesome ways possible then this is for you. To me this looks a lot like an NBC show, but I am assuming CBS will turn it into a weekly procedural like the rest of their shitty shows. I am not old enough for CBS shows.
Life in Pieces
A family comedy with James Brolin and a lot of other good actors that looks fine i guess but whatever. A big extended family of off-kilter stereotypes that goes through off-kilter slice of life stuff. I am sure it will have its funny relatable moments but I am not old enough for CBS shows.
Limitless
"Inspired" by the movie, a dude takes a drug that allows him to access 100% of his brain power. The preview shows him using this limitless brain power to run across a busy street. Run. Across. A. Busy. Street. What the fucking fuck. You don’t need limitless brain power to know not to run into traffic, even a 3 year old knows not to run into traffic you fucking moron. Just wait the 30 fucking seconds for the fucking light to change you ridiculous asshat. Jesus H in a handbasket this made me so fucking angry. This piece of shit is a typical formulaic CBS procedural that will do great in the ratings with super old people and I will actively and vehemently ignore it because I am not old enough or stupid enough for CBS shows.
Supergirl
Actually the preview looks pretty good and seems to stay true to all the good parts of the Superman mythos. And the actress who plays SG seems to be very personable and relatable. I wanted to hate this but by the end of the preview I really kinda liked it. I am not a big Supergirl nut, but I might actually give it a try except I am not old enough for CBS shows.
FOX http://www.fox.com/shows/coming-soon
Bordertown
A new animated show by the Family Guy people about ethnic families living near the Mexico border. If you like the other animated shows you will probably like this one too but to me it was trying way too hard to be relevant.
Grandfathered
Uncle Jessie is a happy successful career bachelor whose life is turned upside down when he learns he has a grown son and baby granddaughter. Listen I love John Stamos just as much as the rest of the world but this looks horrible. Also: they obviously cast everyone in this show to be uglier than John Stamos so he would look hotter. It's just weird and a little pathetic. Sorry Uncle Jessie.
The Grinder
Another show starring Rob Lowe, who plays a lawyer on TV and when the show is cancelled moves back with his brother Fred Savage, who is an actual lawyer. So you can guess what happens, Rob fucks with all of Fred's cases and Hilarity Ensues™. The preview was short and lame but I guess if Rob is charming enough and Fred doesn’t only do exasperated brother stuff this could be fun.
Lucifer
The devil gets tired of Hell and moves to LA and opens a nightclub. No really. This is based on a comic by Neil Gaiman who is a terrific writer, but I'm not sure this bizarre of a premise will translate to TV (just like this year's Constantine on NBC didn’t). I'm just not buying the whole devil with a heart of gold thing.
Minority Report
Future cops in the future fight crime using future tech and special see-the-future powers. Based on the Tom Cruise movie I think. The clips are very short so it's hard to tell if it will be good or not but the sci-fi premise has potential to go either way cool or terribly idiotic.
Rosewood
A brilliant yet unorthodox male pathologist teams up with a tough-as-nails female detective to solve homicides in Miami. This is basically the same plot as 1000 other cop-with-a-quirky- partner shows. But wait the quirky dude is black this time so it's totally original. Yawn
Scream Queens
Basically a bunch of sorority sister stereotypes deal with some kind of serial killer and idk no one really cares or does anything about it for some reason or whatever. I really wanted to hate this horror comedy (horcom) but it looks so over the top and ridiculous that it might be a breakaway hit. Just sayin
X-Files
Coming in January HELL YEAH BABY MULDER & SCULLY WOOOO
THE CW http://www.cwtv.com/shows/
Crazy Ex Girlfriend
no
Containment
Some kind of unstoppable fast-spreading virus spreads out of control and everyone panics and dies for no apparent reason. It looks just like that Contagion movie where Gwyneth Paltrow dies. I already have enough reasons to avoid human contact so I will skip this one.
DC's Legends of Tomorrow
Another DC superhero show with very few details so far. CW does DC really well (Arrow and Flash are great even though I don't watch them) but I probably won't watch this one either. There are just so many hours in a day and something's gotta give nome sayin
AMC http://www.amc.com/
Fear the Walking Dead
Another zombie show, this time starting off before the zombie virus spreads. The preview looks pretty big budget but I may be numb to zombies at this point. I'll prob watch it just like everyone else tho cuz we are all basically zombie show zombies. Premiere is Aug 23.
FX http://www.fxnetworks.com/shows
The Bastard Executioner
Another Game of Thrones clone where everyone once again talks in fake english accents and chops people's heads off with impossibly large swords and other game of thrones-ish stuff.
Fargo
I know this was on last year but this is an all new star-studded cast and an all new story so it’s worth mentioning. I for one am totally up for another round of weird-as-shit shenanigans in the frozen north.
So the Official FroVo Fall Season Scorecard is (sponsors take note):
Watch the Whole Season: Blindspot (NBC), Heroes Reborn (NBC), X-Files (FOX), Fargo (FX)
Watch the Pilot and Decide: The Muppets (ABC), The Player (NBC), Superstore (NBC), You Me and the End of the World (NBC), Fear the Walking Dead (AMC)
Watch the Pilot and Hate Myself For It: The Catch (ABC), Supergirl (CBS), Scream Queens (FOX)
Not Watch: everything else.
THE END
---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Since there is nothing on TV in August except reruns and horribly doomed reality shows, I spend the time I would normally watch TV to check up on all of the hype and previews for upcoming Fall season. Here are my first impressions of the previews, hopefully sparing you from wasting the time I did.
Before we begin a few important notes:
- These are first impressions that basically help me decide what to record to my DVR. I did not do any research other than to read (well scan really) the show description and watch a preview video (if there was one), so my facts could be way off. Too bad, who cares, nyah nyah.
- I only dealt with the major(ish) networks. We all know we will all watch all the cool stuff on HBO and Showtime anyway. And Netflix and the other on demand services are all on demand so just watch whatever whenever you fuckin couch potatoes.
- I didn't review any returning shows, this isn’t the fucking TV Guide. If you liked a show last year and it’s coming back you’ll probably watch it, and if you missed a good one you probably won’t watch the new season. So let’s just move on here.
- I did not review any reality shows because they fucking suck and I hate them. The only reality show I have ever watched is American Idol but only because I would live tweet it while drunk on frozen vodka. Reality shows should die in a fire and if you like them you should seek professional help immediately.
Okay here we go:
ABC http://abc.go.com/new-shows
The Catch
Linden from The Killing is a con artist investigator who gets conned by her fiancé (such IRONY) and goes on an elaborate con to get revenge while also solving other cons. I love Linden so I may watch this just for her (she looks fabulous in the preview). But this is an ABC drama so it will be heavy on overly dramatic emotions and Shocking Plot Twists™ like Scandal and How to Get Away with Murder and whatever other shitty shows they have that are popular but I don't watch. I might try this to see if Linden can raise the acting up a notch but probably not.
Dr. Ken
Chang from Community is a wise-crackin’ doctor and family man who tries to be wacky and lovable while spouting insanely stilted horrible dialog in insanely stilted horrible situations. Woah this preview was insanely stilted and horrible. Maybe Chang can carry it but unless you're super stoned or super dumb I don't think it will last or be funny. It looks really really bad.
The Family
A kid who's been missing for 10 years suddenly reappears and his politically motivated family has trouble dealing with it. The whole preview focused on the family’s reaction to the kid showing up and how it will disrupt their lives, instead of explaining what happened to the kid, and I don’t really care about the whiney shitty family and their selfish bullshit I want to know what happened to the kid. Fuck you whiney shitty family, fuck you to hell.
The Muppets
It's the Muppets in prime time again, doing edgy-ish adult-ish meta-ish inside-jokes with lots of pop culture references and celebrity cameos again - you know, the Muppets. Personally I am on the fence about the Muppets but if you love the Muppets then you will watch this so good for you.
Of Kings and Prophets
Basically Game of Thrones disguised as a biblical story, or maybe a biblical story disguised as Game of Thrones. Anyway GoT fulfills my quota of weird people with weird english accents doing weird things with weirdly huge swords so i'ma gonna pass.
Blood & Oil
It’s basically Dallas with Don Johnson as JR fighting with a bunch of (way younger) hot dudes over hot babes and hot land. Meh
Quantico
A bunch of FBI Recruits are going thru training camp and then all the sudden get accused of
causing 911 or some weird-ass bullcrap that makes them hunted fugitives while searching for The Truth. Every single person on this show is fucking beautiful so the eye candy may be worth a look, but it's on Sundays so it will lose out to the zillion other better shows on that night. I’ll probably stick with Homeland and skip it but if you watch let me know if they figure out if jet fuel can melt steel beams.
The Real Oneals
Virginia from Raising Hope is the mom of a supposed perfect catholic family that is not so perfect and Hilarity Ensues™ in this uncomfortable coming of age show. The preview was funny in spots but mostly just very very awkward, embarrassing and somewhat sad.
Uncle Buck
A remake of the movie with an african american cast to change it up. The preview did nothing for me but if you like a drunk uncle caring for clueless kids here you go.
Wicked City
A serial killer in the 80s is on the loose and cops try to stop him. It looks very 80s period and seems to focus on the killer instead of the cops (similar to The Fall on Netflix, which is good). Looks pretty tense with lots of close calls and twisty scare tactics but since this is ABC they will probably get too implausible with too many Shocking Plot Twists™ and also fuck up the 80s era with a bunch of non-80s references that will just piss me off.
NBC http://www.nbc.com/shows/upcoming
Blindspot
A naked girl is found in a duffel bag with no memory & covered in tattoos and then she turns out to be a super badass who is the key to solving a whole bunch of cool crime stuff with some hunky FBI dude. The preview is awesome and NBC generally does stylish cool violent shit like this well so I am looking forward to this one. I sure hope it lives up to the great preview. I also really hope that the key to the whole mystery is a tattoo on her nipple.
The Carmichael Show
EVERYONE YELLS ALL THE TIME FOR THE WHOLE SHOW HOLY SHIT CALM DOWN YOU PEOPLE
Chicago Med
I don’t watch Chicago PD or Chicago Fire, but when I catch them here and there they are decent mindless television. This is basically “Chicago Hospital” so I assume it’s exactly the same kind of predictable story with amazing looking, angsty professionals of varying ethnicities who save lives and fuck each other like rabbits. I look forward to catching this for the 3 seconds it takes to switch over to my DVR.
Coach
Yes that Coach, with Craig T Nelson and everything. I am excited that I get to not watch this the same way I did not watch the original. I wonder if they got Patrick the Starfish back too.
Crowded
Empty nesters are upset when their hot grownup daughters move back in, and Hilarity Ensues™. Sigh, whatevs.
Emerald City
Apparently another OZ retelling. No preview yet and I’m curious to see what it’s about even though I will still totally skip it.
Heartbreaker
A hot blonde heart surgeon does cool risky surgeon stuff against all odds to save the lives of tragically dying patients. It looks a lot like any of the other jillion hospital shows except they seem to be focusing on the one brilliant-and-compassionate-yet-flawed doctor instead of the whole hospital staff. I totally get the feeling this was originally made for Katherine Heigl but she’s too much of a diva to work with so they replaced her with some other generic hot blonde. That’ll show her
Heroes Reborn
Hell yeah baby bring it on! I fucking loved Heroes and don’t even care that it turned shitty so fuck all you haters. I want more and I’ll watch every god damned episode of this too even though the preview is all over the place and doesn’t look very good but so what it’s fucking Heroes dammit
The Player
Wesley Snipes hires a badass black-ops dude to pull off mission impossible style double-crosses to stop mission impossible style Vegas heists. The black-ops dude looks tough as shit and the SFX might be pretty fun and Snipes is a fucking douche whose eyes always look out of focus which I find hilarious.
Shades of Blue
Jennifer Lopez is a tough NY detective who has to haha has to hahaHAHAHAHAHAHA oh god JLo is a cop hahahaha i can't even
Superstore
Half hour comedy about workers in a WalMart-ish store. No preview yet but it's from the people who did The Office so maybe it'll be funny. I’ll keep an eye out for it.
Truth Be Told
A super well off white couple and a super well off black couple are best friends in the super well off suburbs, in this wacky suburban family situation comedy. Zack from Saved by the Bell stars. There is literally nothing of substance or interest here. I think I may have yawned once.
You, Me and the End of the World
A comet is going to destroy the earth and Hilarity Ensues™ in this hour-long comedy-drama (comdrom). There is no preview yet but it stars Rob Lowe, Tammy Two from Parks, and Pam from the Office so it could be pretty funny if it isn't totally stupid.
CBS http://www.cbs.com/shows/cbs-fall-previews-2015/
Angel From Hell
Jane Lynch is a sassy smart talkin' guardian angel who protects a cute doctor from herself in sassy & smart talkin’ (yet sweet) ways. The preview is actually pretty funny (and sassy & sweet) and everyone including Lynch is very likable. This could be a surprise sleeper if you like a heavy-handed message disguised as lighthearted fluff, but this is CBS so they will probably blow it and go for sappy over funny. I am not old enough for CBS shows.
Code Black
Basically ER ramped up to 11. If you like lots of different people dealing with near death experiences and adrenaline-fueled panic in the most bizarre and gruesome ways possible then this is for you. To me this looks a lot like an NBC show, but I am assuming CBS will turn it into a weekly procedural like the rest of their shitty shows. I am not old enough for CBS shows.
Life in Pieces
A family comedy with James Brolin and a lot of other good actors that looks fine i guess but whatever. A big extended family of off-kilter stereotypes that goes through off-kilter slice of life stuff. I am sure it will have its funny relatable moments but I am not old enough for CBS shows.
Limitless
"Inspired" by the movie, a dude takes a drug that allows him to access 100% of his brain power. The preview shows him using this limitless brain power to run across a busy street. Run. Across. A. Busy. Street. What the fucking fuck. You don’t need limitless brain power to know not to run into traffic, even a 3 year old knows not to run into traffic you fucking moron. Just wait the 30 fucking seconds for the fucking light to change you ridiculous asshat. Jesus H in a handbasket this made me so fucking angry. This piece of shit is a typical formulaic CBS procedural that will do great in the ratings with super old people and I will actively and vehemently ignore it because I am not old enough or stupid enough for CBS shows.
Supergirl
Actually the preview looks pretty good and seems to stay true to all the good parts of the Superman mythos. And the actress who plays SG seems to be very personable and relatable. I wanted to hate this but by the end of the preview I really kinda liked it. I am not a big Supergirl nut, but I might actually give it a try except I am not old enough for CBS shows.
FOX http://www.fox.com/shows/coming-soon
Bordertown
A new animated show by the Family Guy people about ethnic families living near the Mexico border. If you like the other animated shows you will probably like this one too but to me it was trying way too hard to be relevant.
Grandfathered
Uncle Jessie is a happy successful career bachelor whose life is turned upside down when he learns he has a grown son and baby granddaughter. Listen I love John Stamos just as much as the rest of the world but this looks horrible. Also: they obviously cast everyone in this show to be uglier than John Stamos so he would look hotter. It's just weird and a little pathetic. Sorry Uncle Jessie.
The Grinder
Another show starring Rob Lowe, who plays a lawyer on TV and when the show is cancelled moves back with his brother Fred Savage, who is an actual lawyer. So you can guess what happens, Rob fucks with all of Fred's cases and Hilarity Ensues™. The preview was short and lame but I guess if Rob is charming enough and Fred doesn’t only do exasperated brother stuff this could be fun.
Lucifer
The devil gets tired of Hell and moves to LA and opens a nightclub. No really. This is based on a comic by Neil Gaiman who is a terrific writer, but I'm not sure this bizarre of a premise will translate to TV (just like this year's Constantine on NBC didn’t). I'm just not buying the whole devil with a heart of gold thing.
Minority Report
Future cops in the future fight crime using future tech and special see-the-future powers. Based on the Tom Cruise movie I think. The clips are very short so it's hard to tell if it will be good or not but the sci-fi premise has potential to go either way cool or terribly idiotic.
Rosewood
A brilliant yet unorthodox male pathologist teams up with a tough-as-nails female detective to solve homicides in Miami. This is basically the same plot as 1000 other cop-with-a-quirky- partner shows. But wait the quirky dude is black this time so it's totally original. Yawn
Scream Queens
Basically a bunch of sorority sister stereotypes deal with some kind of serial killer and idk no one really cares or does anything about it for some reason or whatever. I really wanted to hate this horror comedy (horcom) but it looks so over the top and ridiculous that it might be a breakaway hit. Just sayin
X-Files
Coming in January HELL YEAH BABY MULDER & SCULLY WOOOO
THE CW http://www.cwtv.com/shows/
Crazy Ex Girlfriend
no
Containment
Some kind of unstoppable fast-spreading virus spreads out of control and everyone panics and dies for no apparent reason. It looks just like that Contagion movie where Gwyneth Paltrow dies. I already have enough reasons to avoid human contact so I will skip this one.
DC's Legends of Tomorrow
Another DC superhero show with very few details so far. CW does DC really well (Arrow and Flash are great even though I don't watch them) but I probably won't watch this one either. There are just so many hours in a day and something's gotta give nome sayin
AMC http://www.amc.com/
Fear the Walking Dead
Another zombie show, this time starting off before the zombie virus spreads. The preview looks pretty big budget but I may be numb to zombies at this point. I'll prob watch it just like everyone else tho cuz we are all basically zombie show zombies. Premiere is Aug 23.
FX http://www.fxnetworks.com/shows
The Bastard Executioner
Another Game of Thrones clone where everyone once again talks in fake english accents and chops people's heads off with impossibly large swords and other game of thrones-ish stuff.
Fargo
I know this was on last year but this is an all new star-studded cast and an all new story so it’s worth mentioning. I for one am totally up for another round of weird-as-shit shenanigans in the frozen north.
So the Official FroVo Fall Season Scorecard is (sponsors take note):
Watch the Whole Season: Blindspot (NBC), Heroes Reborn (NBC), X-Files (FOX), Fargo (FX)
Watch the Pilot and Decide: The Muppets (ABC), The Player (NBC), Superstore (NBC), You Me and the End of the World (NBC), Fear the Walking Dead (AMC)
Watch the Pilot and Hate Myself For It: The Catch (ABC), Supergirl (CBS), Scream Queens (FOX)
Not Watch: everything else.
THE END
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2014 PREVIEWS
ABC
NEW SHOWS
American Crime – Murderish mystery similar to The Killing I think, where everyone is sad and frustrated and no one can get to the truth of what happened and why. Stars Timothy Hutton & Felicity Huffman being all sad and shit. Looks interesting but really hard to watch. Everyone being frustrated and depressed all the time is getting kinda old.
Secrets and Lies - Another murderish mystery similar to The Killing, where a dad finds a dead neighbor kid in the woods and Juliette Lewis is a badass detective who thinks he did it. I like Juliette Lewis but the preview was kind of dull and the "lead supsect" dad did nothing for me. I don't know why they are copying The Killing, which could not make the "did he or didn't he" mystery can last an entire season without getting stale and frustrating, but if you're into a good long-term mystery and they can make you care about the characters this may be for you.
Black-ish - A comedy about a black family living in white America with super uncomfortable racist undertones.
Cristela - A comedy about a Mexican family living in white America with super uncomfortable racist undertones.
Fresh off the Boat - A comedy about Chinese people living in white America with super uncomfortable racist undertones.
Selfie - A comedy about self absorbed white people living in white America with super uncomfortable everything.
So they have 4 new comedies that are basically the same show for different demographics. Well I ain't any of em so screw you ABC Disney you can't tell me what to do
Forever – A hospital drama starring a handsome medical examiner with a sexy british accent who is 200 years old and can’t die. It reminds me of Sleepy Hollow without the cool demons and the male equivalent of Claire from Heroes. Since the crimes are all basically homicides, ABC will probably just make this another Castle with a quirky mystery they will never solve. I'm gonna pass.
How to Get Away with Murder - Greys Anatomy at a law school. Sorry, I could not get thru the preview it's just too ridiculous.
Manhattan Love Story - Romantic comedy that lost me at "romantic comedy". The hook is you can hear their inner thoughts while they are in dating situations. My inner voice said "This looks horrible".
The Whispers - Little kids start talking to imaginary friends and bad things start to happen. Actually this looks pretty creepy and may lead to a cool and scary conspiracy type show. I will probably give it a try.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Agents of SHIELD, Modern Family
NBC
NEW SHOWS
State of Affairs - Katherine Heigl is basically Carrie from Homeland and Alfre Woodard is Sol. NBC can do snappy action dramas pretty well so maybe this will be watchable, but I'm still skipping it despite the very real possibility of Heigl sideboob action.
Marry Me - Another romantic comedy that is probably cute and witty and charming and forgettable.
The Mysteries of Laura - Debra Messing is a cop and a mom. Mom Cop Wednesdays on NBC.
Bad Judge - Kate Walsh is a hard partying but fair and respected criminal courts judge. If you like Kate Walsh you will like this show, otherwise you will not. The preview was actually kind of funny.
Constantine - Based on a popular DC comic Hellblazer (that I don't know much about). Constantine is basically a demon hunter, and the special effects in the trailer are pretty cool and creepy. So this may be one to keep an eye on. It will probably be a lot like Grimm.
A to Z - another romantic comedy that gets into the minutia of a couple of star-crossed lovers. More like Ehhh to ZZZZZ
Some cool sounding shows are listed but not scheduled yet. Of the bunch Aquarius and Odyssey both could be good but they aren't worth reviewing this far out.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Parks & Recreation
CBS
NEW SHOWS
Madam Secretary - Tea Leoni takes over as Secretary of State in what looks to be a very stodgy political drama. Good actors but I doubt it will hold any interest for long.
The McCarthys - a Boston family comedy. i'll Paahs
NCIS New Orleans - NCIS in New Orleans. Nuff said.
Scorpion - A bunch of genius nerds are recruited by homeland security to do impossible stuff. Kathy McPhee is in it so you know where the bar is set at for acting.
Stalker - Stalkers get all stalky and the Stalker Unit stalks the stalkers. With Dylan McDermott & Maggie Q (who is so skinny she looks like a stalk of celery). I think this is in response to the success of The Following, which was also terrible an morally bankrupt. Skipping.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: none, I am not old enough for CBS
CW
NEW SHOWS
The Flash - Yes I will watch, it's the Flash. Come on. But I doubt I will stay with it, all the CW shows make me feel like an old creepy letch.
Jane the Virgin - A quirky girl is pregnant but never had sex and hilarity ensues.
I Zombie - idk some kind of weird teenager turned zombie thing. Not much to go on but it looks pretty dumb.
The Messengers - Not much about this one yet either, but I think it's some kind of impending apocalypse and a small group of strangers are mysteriously connected as mankind's only hope. Could go either way here.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: None, I am too old for the CW
FOX
NEW SHOWS
Gotham - Basically a look at the city of Gotham before all the superheroes like Batman grew up and took over. The preview looks fantastic, I will definitely watch this one. Really looking forward to it.
Gracepoint - A kid is found dead on the beach and the town gets weird about it. Anna Gunn and Nick Nolte are in it but it looks kind of labored. They are really relying on the actors to make you care about the characters, more than the plot. I'm not sure if they will succeed. And I doubt I will be there to find out.
Mulaney - John Mulaney from SNL (as a writer I think) and a bunch of other funny people like Martin Short in a comedy that reminds me of Seinfeld but it isn't Seinfeld and it's stupid.
Red Band Society - A bunch of really good looking sick kids band together in a hospital to give everyone the feels. Fox is promoting the heck out of this so it will probably catch on with the youngsters.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, New Girl, Sleepy Hollow
AMC
NEW SHOWS
Better Call Saul - I don't know anything about this yet but if you watched Breaking Bad (and who didn't) you will watch this too.
There are other shows but none of them interest me much so I skipped the details. I can't believe Hell on Wheels is still on.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Walking Dead
FX
NEW SHOWS
I couldn't really find any, which may be good because they have a ton of quality shows already. This is definitely the new go-to network.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: American Horror Story: Freak Show, The Americans, The Bridge, Fargo, Justified.
Other great shows that I don't watch: Archer, The League, Sons of Anarchy, Louie
HBO
Their website lists every series they have ever done so it is hard to figure out if there are any new shows. Still the shows they have are top quality and many return this season.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Boardwalk Empire, The Leftovers, Game of Thrones, Girls, True Detective, Silicon Valley
SHOWTIME
Slim pickins here. None of the new shows (Ray Donovan, Masters of Sex, Nurse Jackie, Penny Dreadful) float my boat.
NEW SHOWS
The Affair - a sad horny married guy and a sad horny in-a-relationship girl fall for each other and the lies, angst and weird sneaky guilt-laden sex begins. Definitely passing on this one.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Homeland
There are also a lot of good shows on Netflix, Yahoo and the like too, but since those can be watched any time they don't really need a review. But shoutouts go to Orange is the New Black, The Killing, House of Cards and season 6 of Community (!)
AND EVERYONE MUST WATCH ORPHAN BLACK on BBC America. If you missed the first two seasons catch them on hulu or wherever you can find it. If you don't watch it you can't read my reviews anymore.
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ABC
NEW SHOWS
American Crime – Murderish mystery similar to The Killing I think, where everyone is sad and frustrated and no one can get to the truth of what happened and why. Stars Timothy Hutton & Felicity Huffman being all sad and shit. Looks interesting but really hard to watch. Everyone being frustrated and depressed all the time is getting kinda old.
Secrets and Lies - Another murderish mystery similar to The Killing, where a dad finds a dead neighbor kid in the woods and Juliette Lewis is a badass detective who thinks he did it. I like Juliette Lewis but the preview was kind of dull and the "lead supsect" dad did nothing for me. I don't know why they are copying The Killing, which could not make the "did he or didn't he" mystery can last an entire season without getting stale and frustrating, but if you're into a good long-term mystery and they can make you care about the characters this may be for you.
Black-ish - A comedy about a black family living in white America with super uncomfortable racist undertones.
Cristela - A comedy about a Mexican family living in white America with super uncomfortable racist undertones.
Fresh off the Boat - A comedy about Chinese people living in white America with super uncomfortable racist undertones.
Selfie - A comedy about self absorbed white people living in white America with super uncomfortable everything.
So they have 4 new comedies that are basically the same show for different demographics. Well I ain't any of em so screw you ABC Disney you can't tell me what to do
Forever – A hospital drama starring a handsome medical examiner with a sexy british accent who is 200 years old and can’t die. It reminds me of Sleepy Hollow without the cool demons and the male equivalent of Claire from Heroes. Since the crimes are all basically homicides, ABC will probably just make this another Castle with a quirky mystery they will never solve. I'm gonna pass.
How to Get Away with Murder - Greys Anatomy at a law school. Sorry, I could not get thru the preview it's just too ridiculous.
Manhattan Love Story - Romantic comedy that lost me at "romantic comedy". The hook is you can hear their inner thoughts while they are in dating situations. My inner voice said "This looks horrible".
The Whispers - Little kids start talking to imaginary friends and bad things start to happen. Actually this looks pretty creepy and may lead to a cool and scary conspiracy type show. I will probably give it a try.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Agents of SHIELD, Modern Family
NBC
NEW SHOWS
State of Affairs - Katherine Heigl is basically Carrie from Homeland and Alfre Woodard is Sol. NBC can do snappy action dramas pretty well so maybe this will be watchable, but I'm still skipping it despite the very real possibility of Heigl sideboob action.
Marry Me - Another romantic comedy that is probably cute and witty and charming and forgettable.
The Mysteries of Laura - Debra Messing is a cop and a mom. Mom Cop Wednesdays on NBC.
Bad Judge - Kate Walsh is a hard partying but fair and respected criminal courts judge. If you like Kate Walsh you will like this show, otherwise you will not. The preview was actually kind of funny.
Constantine - Based on a popular DC comic Hellblazer (that I don't know much about). Constantine is basically a demon hunter, and the special effects in the trailer are pretty cool and creepy. So this may be one to keep an eye on. It will probably be a lot like Grimm.
A to Z - another romantic comedy that gets into the minutia of a couple of star-crossed lovers. More like Ehhh to ZZZZZ
Some cool sounding shows are listed but not scheduled yet. Of the bunch Aquarius and Odyssey both could be good but they aren't worth reviewing this far out.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Parks & Recreation
CBS
NEW SHOWS
Madam Secretary - Tea Leoni takes over as Secretary of State in what looks to be a very stodgy political drama. Good actors but I doubt it will hold any interest for long.
The McCarthys - a Boston family comedy. i'll Paahs
NCIS New Orleans - NCIS in New Orleans. Nuff said.
Scorpion - A bunch of genius nerds are recruited by homeland security to do impossible stuff. Kathy McPhee is in it so you know where the bar is set at for acting.
Stalker - Stalkers get all stalky and the Stalker Unit stalks the stalkers. With Dylan McDermott & Maggie Q (who is so skinny she looks like a stalk of celery). I think this is in response to the success of The Following, which was also terrible an morally bankrupt. Skipping.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: none, I am not old enough for CBS
CW
NEW SHOWS
The Flash - Yes I will watch, it's the Flash. Come on. But I doubt I will stay with it, all the CW shows make me feel like an old creepy letch.
Jane the Virgin - A quirky girl is pregnant but never had sex and hilarity ensues.
I Zombie - idk some kind of weird teenager turned zombie thing. Not much to go on but it looks pretty dumb.
The Messengers - Not much about this one yet either, but I think it's some kind of impending apocalypse and a small group of strangers are mysteriously connected as mankind's only hope. Could go either way here.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: None, I am too old for the CW
FOX
NEW SHOWS
Gotham - Basically a look at the city of Gotham before all the superheroes like Batman grew up and took over. The preview looks fantastic, I will definitely watch this one. Really looking forward to it.
Gracepoint - A kid is found dead on the beach and the town gets weird about it. Anna Gunn and Nick Nolte are in it but it looks kind of labored. They are really relying on the actors to make you care about the characters, more than the plot. I'm not sure if they will succeed. And I doubt I will be there to find out.
Mulaney - John Mulaney from SNL (as a writer I think) and a bunch of other funny people like Martin Short in a comedy that reminds me of Seinfeld but it isn't Seinfeld and it's stupid.
Red Band Society - A bunch of really good looking sick kids band together in a hospital to give everyone the feels. Fox is promoting the heck out of this so it will probably catch on with the youngsters.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Brooklyn Nine-Nine, New Girl, Sleepy Hollow
AMC
NEW SHOWS
Better Call Saul - I don't know anything about this yet but if you watched Breaking Bad (and who didn't) you will watch this too.
There are other shows but none of them interest me much so I skipped the details. I can't believe Hell on Wheels is still on.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Walking Dead
FX
NEW SHOWS
I couldn't really find any, which may be good because they have a ton of quality shows already. This is definitely the new go-to network.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: American Horror Story: Freak Show, The Americans, The Bridge, Fargo, Justified.
Other great shows that I don't watch: Archer, The League, Sons of Anarchy, Louie
HBO
Their website lists every series they have ever done so it is hard to figure out if there are any new shows. Still the shows they have are top quality and many return this season.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Boardwalk Empire, The Leftovers, Game of Thrones, Girls, True Detective, Silicon Valley
SHOWTIME
Slim pickins here. None of the new shows (Ray Donovan, Masters of Sex, Nurse Jackie, Penny Dreadful) float my boat.
NEW SHOWS
The Affair - a sad horny married guy and a sad horny in-a-relationship girl fall for each other and the lies, angst and weird sneaky guilt-laden sex begins. Definitely passing on this one.
RETURNING SHOWS I WILL WATCH: Homeland
There are also a lot of good shows on Netflix, Yahoo and the like too, but since those can be watched any time they don't really need a review. But shoutouts go to Orange is the New Black, The Killing, House of Cards and season 6 of Community (!)
AND EVERYONE MUST WATCH ORPHAN BLACK on BBC America. If you missed the first two seasons catch them on hulu or wherever you can find it. If you don't watch it you can't read my reviews anymore.
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2013 FALL PREVIEW
ABC
Agents of Shield - This will be the one everyone is talking about, unless it sucks. The trailer looks fantastic though and it's written by Joss Whedon so it should be great.
Once Upon a Time in Wonderland - This is a spinoff of Once Upon a Time, which was/is actually pretty good for a silly premise (although I got tired of it after a season). This one looks a bit darker and more twisted so it has potential.
Super Fun Night - The premise is 3 plain janes decide to woop it up on the town and hilarity ensues. A pretty wacky looking new comedy that actually had me laughing in the trailer. Hopefully those weren't all the good jokes. Worth watching the first few to see if it has staying power.
Back in the Game - Hot loser mom moves back in with her surly dad James Caan and coach a loser bad news bears little league team as a metaphor for life. It looks horrible.
Betrayal - if you like Scandal or Revenge you will probably like this too. I don't.
Family Tools - It will take longer to watch the trailer than the amount of time this will be on the air so I skipped it. It looks like it is trying way too hard to be funny.
The Goldbergs - Basically an 80s version of Malcolm in the Middle starring Jeff Garlin. The trailer was very funny (and had a heart) so it has potential, but could get stale fairly fast if they run out of funny 80s gags.
Lucky 7 - Seven coworkers win the lottery and a bunch of shit happens to them. None of them seemed the least bit interesting except for the 8th guy who didn't pay for his portion of the ticket. Lucky to last 7 episodes.
Killer Women - Ballsy, badass hot chick Texas Ranger does ballsy, badass stuff while solving ballsy, badass crimes. Yep.
Malibu Country - Jesus H another fucking Reba show
Mind Games - Two weird brothers who use "psychological manipulation" to solve people's problems. Whatever. Steve
Zahn and Christian Slater overact so much in the trailer it's almost impossible to watch.
Mistresses - If you like Desperate Housewives and Gray's Anatomy you will probably like this too. I dont.
Mixology - The whole season takes place in one bar over a single night, with 10 people interacting. The premise is pretty brave but the characters in the trailer seemed pretty shallow and uninteresting.
Resurrection - An American kid wakes up in China and when he gets home he has been dead for 32 years and the mystery begins. Sadly the boy is a terrible actor so it's hard to care about him. I don't think this will have staying power.
Trophy Wife - Malin Akerman marries an older dude with 2 ex wives and a bunch of stereotype kids. Looks so predictable but I might check in once in a while for a Malin Akerman fix.
Returning Shows I care about:
Modern Family
NBC
The Blacklist - Basically it's the Silence of the Lambs premise with James Spader as the criminal mastermind and a hot rookie who has some surprising tude in the trailer. I usually like how NBC handles dramas like this so it could be good if it can find a groove and has an overarching mystery plotline that you can care about.
Camp - Insert Grumpy Cat meme here
Dracula - Victorian London has a vampire problem which apparently is mostly boring nonsense and funny hats. I am not a fan of vampires but NBC can't compete with shows like True Blood and TVD so why the heck are they even bothering.
Ironside - Blair Underwood is the wheelchair-bound detective for some reason. I would totally write this nonsense off but a critic on twitter said the first ep is quite good so maybe I'll give it a shot.
The Michael J Fox Show - They got the spunkiest, most energetic cast ever to compliment MJF's nonstop wiggling. So uncomfortable.
Sean Saves the World - Divorced Dad and overbearing mom raise a teenage girl. This, instead of Community. Welcome to Must See TV. wtf
Welcome to the Family - Parents who can't wait to be empty nesters become parents, grandparents and inlaws in the most hilarious of ways. Welcome to Must See TV Jesus H COME ON NBC
Returning Shows I care about:
Parks & Rec, Community. Chicago Fire and Revolution aren't bad, but I watch them only as a last resort.
CBS
The Crazy Ones - Robin Williams and Sarah Michelle Gellar in some kind of ad agency or something. Looks funny if you like old adlibby dudes.
We are Men - 4 men with girl problems bond and treat women like meat.
The Millers - A new Will Arnet comedy with Mags as his mom and an insanely loud laugh track.
Mom - a sitcom about a mom. whatevs
Hostages - Dylan McDermott overacts the fuck out of this lame attempt at a Homeland/Following like political thriller. It will probably be huge but CBS pisses me off so I'm not watching it.
Returning Shows I care about:
NONE CBS SUCKS BALLS although the critics love The Good Wife for some reason
CW
CW has a ton of shows that i am pretty sure i am way too old for so i didnt bother reviewing them. BUT i am going to try to watch The Tomorrow People, a cross between Heroes and The X-Men that looks pretty nifty. I think it will be an interesting compliment to Agents of Shield.
Returning Shows I care about:
Arrow is supposed to be really great, I may start taping it to see for myself.
Fox
Brooklyn Nine-Nine - a comedy cop show starring Adam Sandberg that looks very very unfunny. Nothing in the preview made me laugh and that made me sad. I will still give it a chance because I like the cast but I am skeptical.
Almost Human - a futuristic cop show from JJ Abrams and the Fringe people that looks pretty cool. A grizzled, "broken" human cop is paired with a "broken" android cop and they solve crimes with cool red lasers and stuff. If they can establish a realistic world with actual rules and dont get too existential on the "what makes us human" stuff it could be pretty fun to watch.
Dads - great cast (Seth Green, Giovanni Ribisi, Martin Mull) but you couldn't pay me to watch it. so bad.
Enlisted - basically Animal House on an army base. Or maybe Bad News Bears on an army base. idk it sucks
Sleepy Hollow - A hot dude from the 1700s comes back to life in 2013 and teams up with a hot chick detective to fight the headless horseman. Yes, THAT headless horseman. No really. Maybe it'll be a fun Buffy type show, but i will probably skip it.
Returning Shows I care about:
The Following (BLECHH but Chris likes it), New Girl, Raising Hope
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ABC
Agents of Shield - This will be the one everyone is talking about, unless it sucks. The trailer looks fantastic though and it's written by Joss Whedon so it should be great.
Once Upon a Time in Wonderland - This is a spinoff of Once Upon a Time, which was/is actually pretty good for a silly premise (although I got tired of it after a season). This one looks a bit darker and more twisted so it has potential.
Super Fun Night - The premise is 3 plain janes decide to woop it up on the town and hilarity ensues. A pretty wacky looking new comedy that actually had me laughing in the trailer. Hopefully those weren't all the good jokes. Worth watching the first few to see if it has staying power.
Back in the Game - Hot loser mom moves back in with her surly dad James Caan and coach a loser bad news bears little league team as a metaphor for life. It looks horrible.
Betrayal - if you like Scandal or Revenge you will probably like this too. I don't.
Family Tools - It will take longer to watch the trailer than the amount of time this will be on the air so I skipped it. It looks like it is trying way too hard to be funny.
The Goldbergs - Basically an 80s version of Malcolm in the Middle starring Jeff Garlin. The trailer was very funny (and had a heart) so it has potential, but could get stale fairly fast if they run out of funny 80s gags.
Lucky 7 - Seven coworkers win the lottery and a bunch of shit happens to them. None of them seemed the least bit interesting except for the 8th guy who didn't pay for his portion of the ticket. Lucky to last 7 episodes.
Killer Women - Ballsy, badass hot chick Texas Ranger does ballsy, badass stuff while solving ballsy, badass crimes. Yep.
Malibu Country - Jesus H another fucking Reba show
Mind Games - Two weird brothers who use "psychological manipulation" to solve people's problems. Whatever. Steve
Zahn and Christian Slater overact so much in the trailer it's almost impossible to watch.
Mistresses - If you like Desperate Housewives and Gray's Anatomy you will probably like this too. I dont.
Mixology - The whole season takes place in one bar over a single night, with 10 people interacting. The premise is pretty brave but the characters in the trailer seemed pretty shallow and uninteresting.
Resurrection - An American kid wakes up in China and when he gets home he has been dead for 32 years and the mystery begins. Sadly the boy is a terrible actor so it's hard to care about him. I don't think this will have staying power.
Trophy Wife - Malin Akerman marries an older dude with 2 ex wives and a bunch of stereotype kids. Looks so predictable but I might check in once in a while for a Malin Akerman fix.
Returning Shows I care about:
Modern Family
NBC
The Blacklist - Basically it's the Silence of the Lambs premise with James Spader as the criminal mastermind and a hot rookie who has some surprising tude in the trailer. I usually like how NBC handles dramas like this so it could be good if it can find a groove and has an overarching mystery plotline that you can care about.
Camp - Insert Grumpy Cat meme here
Dracula - Victorian London has a vampire problem which apparently is mostly boring nonsense and funny hats. I am not a fan of vampires but NBC can't compete with shows like True Blood and TVD so why the heck are they even bothering.
Ironside - Blair Underwood is the wheelchair-bound detective for some reason. I would totally write this nonsense off but a critic on twitter said the first ep is quite good so maybe I'll give it a shot.
The Michael J Fox Show - They got the spunkiest, most energetic cast ever to compliment MJF's nonstop wiggling. So uncomfortable.
Sean Saves the World - Divorced Dad and overbearing mom raise a teenage girl. This, instead of Community. Welcome to Must See TV. wtf
Welcome to the Family - Parents who can't wait to be empty nesters become parents, grandparents and inlaws in the most hilarious of ways. Welcome to Must See TV Jesus H COME ON NBC
Returning Shows I care about:
Parks & Rec, Community. Chicago Fire and Revolution aren't bad, but I watch them only as a last resort.
CBS
The Crazy Ones - Robin Williams and Sarah Michelle Gellar in some kind of ad agency or something. Looks funny if you like old adlibby dudes.
We are Men - 4 men with girl problems bond and treat women like meat.
The Millers - A new Will Arnet comedy with Mags as his mom and an insanely loud laugh track.
Mom - a sitcom about a mom. whatevs
Hostages - Dylan McDermott overacts the fuck out of this lame attempt at a Homeland/Following like political thriller. It will probably be huge but CBS pisses me off so I'm not watching it.
Returning Shows I care about:
NONE CBS SUCKS BALLS although the critics love The Good Wife for some reason
CW
CW has a ton of shows that i am pretty sure i am way too old for so i didnt bother reviewing them. BUT i am going to try to watch The Tomorrow People, a cross between Heroes and The X-Men that looks pretty nifty. I think it will be an interesting compliment to Agents of Shield.
Returning Shows I care about:
Arrow is supposed to be really great, I may start taping it to see for myself.
Fox
Brooklyn Nine-Nine - a comedy cop show starring Adam Sandberg that looks very very unfunny. Nothing in the preview made me laugh and that made me sad. I will still give it a chance because I like the cast but I am skeptical.
Almost Human - a futuristic cop show from JJ Abrams and the Fringe people that looks pretty cool. A grizzled, "broken" human cop is paired with a "broken" android cop and they solve crimes with cool red lasers and stuff. If they can establish a realistic world with actual rules and dont get too existential on the "what makes us human" stuff it could be pretty fun to watch.
Dads - great cast (Seth Green, Giovanni Ribisi, Martin Mull) but you couldn't pay me to watch it. so bad.
Enlisted - basically Animal House on an army base. Or maybe Bad News Bears on an army base. idk it sucks
Sleepy Hollow - A hot dude from the 1700s comes back to life in 2013 and teams up with a hot chick detective to fight the headless horseman. Yes, THAT headless horseman. No really. Maybe it'll be a fun Buffy type show, but i will probably skip it.
Returning Shows I care about:
The Following (BLECHH but Chris likes it), New Girl, Raising Hope
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FALL 2012 REVIEWS
NBC
Revolution - great sci-fi premise, preview is great, chicken man's in it, not sure they can keep it from being silly though
Go On - Matthew Perry in therapy. Preview is kind of sweet, may have a nice ensemble feel to it
The New Normal - New Girl mixed with Mod Fam. Probably too racistly gay for me.
Chicago Fire - NBC is great at these "heroes of disasters" shows that are super well done and no one watches (except me). This one looks IDENITCAL to the last 3 they have done. I'll watch for a while then give up.
Animal Practice - I'm usually a sucker for cute animals but it can't possibly sustain the laughs.
Guys with Kids - omg this looks incredibly horrible and cliche but Duff might like it cuz he is one.
Do No Harm - Another split personality show. It's success will depend on the actor, and from the very short preview he wasn't very good.
Hannibal - no news yet.
Infamous - Rich party girl dies and female cop goes undercover to find out what happened in the family. Looks like some kind of competitor for Revenge on ABC, clips weren't very interesting.
Next Caller - Dane Cook comedy that looks bad. foulmouthed satellite radio is forced to share the mic with a chipper NPR feminist. Yawn.
Save Me - Anne Heche has a near death experience and can suddenly talk to God, freaking everyone out. Hilarity ensues. I like Anne Heche so maybe i'll watch this if nothing else is on.
1600 Penn - The POTUS has a crazy wacky family and White House hijinx ensue. Yawn.
Crossbones - the story of Blackbeard the pirate, no cast yet.
Returning Shows that I like - Up All Night, 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, Community, Grimm, Smash
ABC
Nashville - Basically looks like a country version of Smash
Last Resort - This is the show to watch. A nuclear sub goes rogue and starts its own country. The actors are great and the premise looks really smart.
666 park Avenue - Some kind of haunted New York hotel drama. Hard to tell if it will be any good.
Malibu County - Reba yall
The Neighbors - The neighbors are aliens! Hilarity ensues. With Jamie Gertz
Family Tools - Deadbeat son comes home to run the family repair business. Slapstick hilarity ensues.
How to Live with Your Parents - Cute single mom moves home with her wacky parents. Hilarity ensues.
Mistresses - Super soapy sex romp with Alyssa Milano.
Red Widow - Hot mom's crooked husband dies and she gets sucked into a world of organized crime. I'd rather watch Breaking Bad I think.
Zero Hour - Super duper intricate conspiracy show that Sean McMenemy will cream over. I have doubts but am hopeful.
Returning Shows that I like - Mod Fam, Once Upon a Time.
CBS
Elementary - Modern day Sherlock Holmes with Lucy Liu as Watson. I'll watch the pilot but have a feeling it'll be one of those bad guy of the week formulas that CBS is so good at and bore the crap out of me.
Made in Jersey - Jersey girl becomes a lawyer in NY and dramatic hilarity ensues. Seems like every show on CBS is the same as another show on CBS.
Vegas - Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis in a poor man's Boardwalk Empire. CBS has done this kind of thing well in the past, maybe this will be a sleeper hit.
Partners - a straight guy and a gay guy are best friends and roommates, and hilarity ensues. Fuck me.
Returning Shows that I like - Big Bang Theory
FOX
The Mob Doctor - Hot Chicago doctor moonlights as a doctor for the mob. Lots of moral choice drama. This is asking you to care an awful lot about this hot doctor, I dont think it can sustain it's tension.
Ben and Kate - Loser brother and uptight sister move in together, and hilarity ensues. It looks quirky and endearing like New Girl but will need to prove itself to be a keeper. It will hinge on the actors, not the comedy.
The Following - A super serial killer creates a cult of serial killers and Kevin Bacon hunts him down. Winona from Justified is in it too. Looks creepy but Fox will probably screw up the pacing.
The Goodwin Games - Dad dies and leaves a fortune to his deadbeat kids, who have to compete in some kind of game before they can claim it. After watching the trailer I still don't have any idea what this comedy is going to be but I can guess that hilarity will ensue.
The Mindy Project - Mindy Kaling stars as a weirdo. It will probably be funny but it is very off-putting to see her not be Kelly Kapoor.
Returning Shows that I like - Raising Hope, New Girl, Touch, Fringe, Glee, American Idol
AMC
Returning Shows that I like - Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Hell on Wheels
FX
Returning Shows that I like - American Horror Story, It's Always Sunny, Justified
The CW
Arrow - THE GREEN FUCKIN ARROW MUTHAFUCKAS I can only hope it's half as good as The Cape.
Early Daily Schedule Picks
Monday - Mob Doctor, Revolution
Tuesday - Raising Hope, New Girl, Go On, Mindy Project
Wednesday - Arrow, Mod Fam, Chicago Fire, Nashville
Thursday - Last Resort, Big Bang, 30 Rock, Up All Night, Glee, Parks & Rec, Elementary
Friday - Touch, Community, Grimm, Fringe
Saturday -
Sunday - Once Upon a Time, 666 Park Avenue
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NBC
Revolution - great sci-fi premise, preview is great, chicken man's in it, not sure they can keep it from being silly though
Go On - Matthew Perry in therapy. Preview is kind of sweet, may have a nice ensemble feel to it
The New Normal - New Girl mixed with Mod Fam. Probably too racistly gay for me.
Chicago Fire - NBC is great at these "heroes of disasters" shows that are super well done and no one watches (except me). This one looks IDENITCAL to the last 3 they have done. I'll watch for a while then give up.
Animal Practice - I'm usually a sucker for cute animals but it can't possibly sustain the laughs.
Guys with Kids - omg this looks incredibly horrible and cliche but Duff might like it cuz he is one.
Do No Harm - Another split personality show. It's success will depend on the actor, and from the very short preview he wasn't very good.
Hannibal - no news yet.
Infamous - Rich party girl dies and female cop goes undercover to find out what happened in the family. Looks like some kind of competitor for Revenge on ABC, clips weren't very interesting.
Next Caller - Dane Cook comedy that looks bad. foulmouthed satellite radio is forced to share the mic with a chipper NPR feminist. Yawn.
Save Me - Anne Heche has a near death experience and can suddenly talk to God, freaking everyone out. Hilarity ensues. I like Anne Heche so maybe i'll watch this if nothing else is on.
1600 Penn - The POTUS has a crazy wacky family and White House hijinx ensue. Yawn.
Crossbones - the story of Blackbeard the pirate, no cast yet.
Returning Shows that I like - Up All Night, 30 Rock, Parks & Rec, Community, Grimm, Smash
ABC
Nashville - Basically looks like a country version of Smash
Last Resort - This is the show to watch. A nuclear sub goes rogue and starts its own country. The actors are great and the premise looks really smart.
666 park Avenue - Some kind of haunted New York hotel drama. Hard to tell if it will be any good.
Malibu County - Reba yall
The Neighbors - The neighbors are aliens! Hilarity ensues. With Jamie Gertz
Family Tools - Deadbeat son comes home to run the family repair business. Slapstick hilarity ensues.
How to Live with Your Parents - Cute single mom moves home with her wacky parents. Hilarity ensues.
Mistresses - Super soapy sex romp with Alyssa Milano.
Red Widow - Hot mom's crooked husband dies and she gets sucked into a world of organized crime. I'd rather watch Breaking Bad I think.
Zero Hour - Super duper intricate conspiracy show that Sean McMenemy will cream over. I have doubts but am hopeful.
Returning Shows that I like - Mod Fam, Once Upon a Time.
CBS
Elementary - Modern day Sherlock Holmes with Lucy Liu as Watson. I'll watch the pilot but have a feeling it'll be one of those bad guy of the week formulas that CBS is so good at and bore the crap out of me.
Made in Jersey - Jersey girl becomes a lawyer in NY and dramatic hilarity ensues. Seems like every show on CBS is the same as another show on CBS.
Vegas - Dennis Quaid and Michael Chiklis in a poor man's Boardwalk Empire. CBS has done this kind of thing well in the past, maybe this will be a sleeper hit.
Partners - a straight guy and a gay guy are best friends and roommates, and hilarity ensues. Fuck me.
Returning Shows that I like - Big Bang Theory
FOX
The Mob Doctor - Hot Chicago doctor moonlights as a doctor for the mob. Lots of moral choice drama. This is asking you to care an awful lot about this hot doctor, I dont think it can sustain it's tension.
Ben and Kate - Loser brother and uptight sister move in together, and hilarity ensues. It looks quirky and endearing like New Girl but will need to prove itself to be a keeper. It will hinge on the actors, not the comedy.
The Following - A super serial killer creates a cult of serial killers and Kevin Bacon hunts him down. Winona from Justified is in it too. Looks creepy but Fox will probably screw up the pacing.
The Goodwin Games - Dad dies and leaves a fortune to his deadbeat kids, who have to compete in some kind of game before they can claim it. After watching the trailer I still don't have any idea what this comedy is going to be but I can guess that hilarity will ensue.
The Mindy Project - Mindy Kaling stars as a weirdo. It will probably be funny but it is very off-putting to see her not be Kelly Kapoor.
Returning Shows that I like - Raising Hope, New Girl, Touch, Fringe, Glee, American Idol
AMC
Returning Shows that I like - Breaking Bad, Walking Dead, Hell on Wheels
FX
Returning Shows that I like - American Horror Story, It's Always Sunny, Justified
The CW
Arrow - THE GREEN FUCKIN ARROW MUTHAFUCKAS I can only hope it's half as good as The Cape.
Early Daily Schedule Picks
Monday - Mob Doctor, Revolution
Tuesday - Raising Hope, New Girl, Go On, Mindy Project
Wednesday - Arrow, Mod Fam, Chicago Fire, Nashville
Thursday - Last Resort, Big Bang, 30 Rock, Up All Night, Glee, Parks & Rec, Elementary
Friday - Touch, Community, Grimm, Fringe
Saturday -
Sunday - Once Upon a Time, 666 Park Avenue
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